Page 111 of Indecent Ventures

“Do you think that day you saw me at recess was the first time I sat in my car and watched you?”

I pinch my eyebrows together. “What? It wasn’t?”

He shakes his head. “No. I came almost every day to watch you. For years. It was the only way I could see you. To watch you interact with other kids. Your mom rightfully wouldn’t allow me around you, but I still needed to see you. Day after day I watched a little girl that looked so much like me smile and laugh with her friends, desperately wanting to be a part of your life.”

I’m shocked. “Why that day? What was the final impetus to get clean?”

“Don’t tell your mother.”

“Does it even matter anymore?”

He nods in agreement. “I was high the day you saw me. But you saw me. For the first time ever, you noticed I was there. I could tell right away you knew who I was. I knew I could no longer watch you from the shadows. I couldn’t stay away any longer. If I wanted to be around, I had to do what was necessary. That morning was the last time I’ve ever taken drugs. I went cold turkey. I lied to your mother about how long I was clean. It was you and my desire to get to know you, to be your father. That was my impetus. Jade, I’ve always loved you. I wish I did things differently, but know that in my own fucked-up way, I was in your life. I watched everything you did. Every t-ball game, every dance recital, every school play, every father-daughter dance you attended with your mother, I was there in the shadows.”

My brain might explode right now from this information. I have no words for any of it. I blink a few times. “You were there, at my dances?”

He nods. “When you were five, you wore a pink dress. When you were six, you wore a yellow dress. It had a big flower at the top. When you were seven, it was red. You had clearly just gone through a growth spurt because it was too short, and I almost got out of my car and demanded you go home and change.”

I can’t help but smile at that last comment. Some things never change. And he’s right. When I put on my favorite red dress that night, I realized that I must have grown since I last wore it. It was very short on me.

“Jade, you know that five years ago I almost made a terrible decision. I almost ended things.”

I nod.

“When I found out how bad things were for Darian and the girls after my brother died, and how I failed them too, I almost did something very stupid.”

I whisper, “I remember.”

“You know what brought me back from the brink? You. You and Melissa. I love the both of you so damn much. I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t miss out on being with her. I couldn’t miss out on watching you grow into adulthood. Your milestones, your graduations, your accomplishments, and, when you’re fifty, walking you down the aisle to a nice, age-appropriate man.”

I put my head in my hands. It’s pounding at his revelations.

My phone alarm breaks the silence. I look down at it. “I have Dr. Pearl in five minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll wait for you to be done so we can continue this conversation.”

“No. Don’t. I need some time. I’ve spent so long thinking you didn’t care about me those first seven years. I need a minute to process this.”

He stands and holds out his arms. I stand and sink into them. He whispers, “I love you. I always have. I always will.”

* * *

Dr. Pearl’sface appears on the screen. She smiles. “Two emergency meetings in the past few months. This is crazy.”

“I’m crazy. That’s the problem.”

“You’re not crazy, Jade. Trust me. I’ve seen crazy. It’s not you. How was Mexico? Did you have a good time?”

I can’t help but smile. “It was the best week of my life.” It truly was. Besides our one fight, it was magical.

“How so?”

“Collin and I had the most amazing time. No hiding. No sneaking around. We swam, we sat by the pool, we drank, we went to restaurants, we danced, we laughed, we had amazing sex.A lotof amazing sex. I let him pop my anal cherry.”

She gives me a look of disgust. “I didn’t need to know that last bit.”

I grin. “I know. That’s why I loved sharing it with you.”

She shakes her head.

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