Me: Good night.
* * *
I’m awakenedby the sound of Dad and Melissa’s voices in the living room. I walk out and Melissa immediately embraces me. “Are you okay, sweetie?”
I pull back. “I’m fine. Just a little confused. Yesterday was a bit of a mess.”
She nods in understanding and turns to my mom. “Amanda, do you want to take a walk with me? We can grab coffee for everyone down the street.”
“Yes. That’s a good idea.” Mom turns to me and nods. “We’ll leave you two.”
Once the door closes, Dad motions for me to sit on the sofa, which I do. He sits in a chair across from me. His eye and lip are really swollen.
“You look like Rocky.”
“Rocky OneorRocky Two?”
“Does it matter?”
“InRocky One, he loses. InRocky Two, he wins. I think I look likeRocky Two.”
“You’re more like Rocky’s child because that’s how you act. Like a child. You can’t go around beating up all my boyfriends.”
He has a somber look. “I’m sorry for how I reacted. I saw his hands on you and your tears. I made an assumption.”
“What was that assumption?”
He blows out a breath. “That he was hurting my little girl.”
“I can take care of myself, and I’m not a little girl anymore, Dad.”
“To me, you’ll always be a little girl.”
“But I’mnota little girl. Youhaveto stop treating me like one. You have to accept that I’m an adult and I do adult things.”
“Maybe you’re not a child, but you’re young and he’s not. He’s a lowlife and a player, Jade. He’s not good enough for you. I would know. He’s exactly like I was. Not the drugs, but the women. I liked younger women too. I know him because I was him before I met Melissa.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think you know him at all. He’s misunderstood by most, including his own family. He’s wonderful and smart. He’s kind and funny. He’s good to me. No man has ever been better to me than Collin. He makes me feel seen. Not just on the outside, but the inside too.”
“Then why were you two a secret from everyone, including his best friend? If it feels so right, then why hide it?”
“Because we were supposed to be casual. We enjoyed each other’s company. We didn’t want to make a whole thing of it with the family and then have it be problematic for everyone when it ended.”
“That sounds like a bunch of bullshit. He didn’t want to commit.”
“I didn’t ask him to. The rules of engagement were mine. In case you haven’t noticed, I have my own set of commitment issues when it comes to relationships with men. I don’t have healthy relationships with them.”
“Why is that?”
“Why? Because of you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You fucking abandoned me the first seven years of my life. You fucking chose drugs over your own daughter. You didn’t give a shit that I existed. That I suffered. I’m terrified of relationships because I fear them leaving. Not choosing me. Just like you!”
Tears fill his eyes. “Of course I cared.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I tried to get clean. I couldn’t. I did drugs for over twenty years. It consumed me. I was weak. But I always cared. There was never a second from the moment you were born that I didn’t care.”
“You didn’t act like it. You left me for seven years. I never once saw you. It was like I didn’t exist to you.”