Page 70 of The Biggest Sacrifice

She thrust the papers back at me. “Tommy, no. I won’t be the distraction or the one that ends this for you. This is something you need to work out. I will always be solid for you. I know I’ve said differently, but I will always be here. It’s just been so scary sending you off. Either on deployment or just to work. You never know what can happen, but I don’t want to lose those moments because we’re afraid of the ‘what if’s’. The ‘what if’s’ should be a stronger ‘right now’.”

Taking the papers from her and placing them back on the counter, I pull her close. “We’re not losing any more moments and my right now is with you, little mouse.”

“You’re sure?” She’s still shaking her head, like she can’t believe this is real.

“I’ve never been more sure. The stars aligned and I’ve never been more clear about where I’m supposed to be. I have JT to thank for it. Meeting him all those years ago, there was an instant connection for a reason and I’ve finally learned why he was placed in my life. He’s taught me so much, even after his death, that I never would have known had I not experienced the pain, as well.”

When she circles her arms around me and drops her eyes, I lift her chin back to me once again.

“Look at me, mouse. Show me those eyes that see only me. That burn with lust and desire, that burn with thoughts and actions only I can give you. I love seeing you lit on fire for me. I love knowing I’m the one that drives you crazy.” Her blush creeps across her face and I take this moment to drop my voice and love her a bit more. “I’m the one that drives you to the point of needing to get off wherever you are. And I love the idea that I can make you wait. Make you earn that release. I told you. You and each release belong to me. I say so. I say when it’s time. And you’re going to love it.”

She gives a small smile, and her eyes dance with mischief.

“Play with me, my lion.”

Her whispered words sink into my skin, and her touch sets me on fire.

“Play with me. I’ll run.” Her fingers trace circles over my shirt and she gives me a flirty tone. “You can chase me. And when you catch me, take what you want. What you need. You know I’ll give it to you, always, Tommy. I’m stronger than you think. Don’t be afraid to take from me.” She drops her hands and steps back once.

“Chase me.”

Another step backward.

“Catch me.”

Another.

“Take me.”

This time I follow her backward movement as she says, “Fuck me.”

Quickly, my hands dart out and I snatch her around the waist, pulling her tight against me. She lets out a squeal. “I know you love the chase. I know you love when I catch you. You love how it feels to have my hand around your throat.” I slide my hand around her neck. “Pinning you. Squeezing.” My fingers pulse. “You love how good it feels when I hold you down and slowly push my fingers into you. My cock into you. You love taking me. You want that. You need that”.

Her eyes are blown and I'm sure mine appear the same.

“I do. And you need it too. I need to give myself to you just as much as you need to take me. We share the balance, Tommy. That’s what being together is all about. Do you see it yet?”

“I see light with you. I hear quiet with you. I see forever with you, Farrah.”

CHAPTER 43

TOM

It’sSunday and if you’re a smart man, there’s no place else to be but at Janet and Frank’s house for dinner.

Despite the day on the calendar, I’m feeling like myself for the first time in years. I’m actually looking forward to walking through this door, feeling light and without a giant rock sitting on my shoulders.

I’m not stuck between that rock and wanting to get hit with it anymore, JT.

I can’t explain how it is to know that others know what today marks for me. I’ve hidden this part of my life for so long that it feels surreal to be myself now. I can cry if I want, I can rage, I can laugh and reminisce and they’ll understand.

Most of them, anyway. But in about an hour, that’s all going to change.

“Tommy!” Mom rushes to me the minute I enter the kitchen, like she hasn’t seen me in months. Honestly, she hasn’t. I've been avoiding her, aware that she could see everything I was trying to keep hidden. Moms, right? They just know shit whether or not you tell them. And though she couldn’t imagine what I’m going to share in a few brief hours, she knows something has been hanging over my head that she wants to fix. There’s nothing to fix, there are only things to understand and accept. But moms do that. So I’m ready to tell her.

“Hi, Ma. Smells good in here.”

“Made your favorite. Pot roast and potatoes.”

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