Page 69 of The Biggest Sacrifice

“Do you want me to call Cash?”

He huffs a laugh. “Cash. Do you know who Cash is, Farrah?”

I furrow my brows as he turns to face me now. Pulling my legs under me, I continue to hold his hand. I need to stay connected with him, I need to let him know I’m not going anywhere. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Life has a funny way of reminding you of your failures. It also reminds you of hopes you once had, promises you made. When you think you can dodge it, or bail on them all together, here comes life just throwing rocks at you to remind you.”

“Throwing rocks? Tommy, what in the worl-”

“JT Tomlin. That’s his name. We met on the second day of boot camp and we were inseparable. For the time I was away, he was closer than my twin. There was something about him. He had so much life in him, and it showed in everything he did. The jokes, the sarcasm, the glass always half full. The only other person I had ever known to have such a big life force like that is Billy.”

Smiling, I continue holding his hand, stroking his wrist, squeezing his fingers. “I bet it feels good to have Billy remind you a little of him then, right?”

He drops his head, and I watch as he flips my hand over and plays with my fingers. “Cash reminds me every day.”

My heart races, my body already knowing where he’s going with this before my brain has a chance to catch up. When I gasp, he looks up and nods. “Cash was JT’s cousin.”

The tears run down my cheeks. I’m not sobbing or letting out any sound, but the tears just fall. And so do his.

“Cash didn’t know me. He said JT spoke of TC, which was the nickname he gave me, but he didn’t come here knowing anything. It’s just a crazy coincidence.”

“How did you figure it out?” My words are a whisper.

He laughs. “The night we got so drunk on whiskey?” I nod, remembering Billy sending around pictures of the two of them hungover the next morning. “Cash was calling me out about my shit attitude and said that he understood loss, too. He mentioned JT’s name, and I lost it. I thought it was some sick joke. But when he said his last name and the division he was with, we knew. And that’s the reason we got piss drunk on whiskey.” Dropping my eyes from her. “Salted caramel whiskey, JT’s favorite.”

“Tommy, I don’t even know what to say. This is so unbelievable.”

“Believe it, mouse. I let Cash’s cousin die on my watch.”

CHAPTER 42

TOM

The words leavingmy lips sound foreign to my ears. I’ve lived this conversation a thousand times over, but to hear it in real time sounds totally different. And here she stands with me, being exactly who Farrah is. The woman I always knew her to be. I was just afraid to hear myself say it, afraid to see the love I know I don’t deserve but want anyway, given to me without limitations.

Turning to her now, I feel the need to express everything that is rattling around in my brain. Everything I’ve never admitted to JT, or Cash, or even my twin about how I feel about her. Every emotion I’ve been holding tight inside myself is ready to come out.

I’m not afraid to say it, either. Iwantto tell her. I’ve just done the hardest part, and she’s still here. So, now, I give her more than I ever have before.

Looking her in the eye, I spoke out the words I wrote in that letter all those months ago.

“It was you, Farrah, who got me through my time away. I had your picture by my bedside every morning and your face every night in my head. You are my only choice now. I see it. It’s so clear. When I need power, you give it. When I need to be calm, you supply it. When I wake screaming, you’re just there. Like a solid foundation, you hold me up. You’re the sunrise that brings me back to life each day. When I picture my life years down the road, it’s you I see standing next to me. You are the only thing that matters. When I left here, I was determined to do my job and stay far away doing that job, but since we’ve been apart, I just cannot find that passion anymore.”

I pause a moment, gathering myself because, though this feels right, it’s still difficult to say. This is a brand new chapter I’m writing and I’m still learning the language.

“And that makes me second guess myself. Who am I? I’m a Marine. I’ve always been and always will be a Marine. But I’m also a cop. A protector of this town. But now all I can think about is protecting you. Being with you and only you.” She watches me intensely. I don’t falter with my words, my voice doesn’t shake, and I know she’s sending me her power to get through this. “I need you. I want you. More than life itself, I need to hold you, touch you. You’ve made me feel more alive than any deployment. Being on those front lines used to be my calling. I couldn’t wait to get there. As crazy as it sounds, I needed that. I needed to let it loose, needed to let it enrage me enough to let out that beast and then let it calm me.”

She smiles and her eyes well with tears again. When she drops her eyes from mine, I lift her chin to me.

“Now you do that. You are my strength and my softness. My little mouse with might, who gives more to her lion than he could ever ask for. For you, I’ll sacrifice the rest as long as I have you next to me. I’ve dreamed of begging you to see me, and to hear me. But you already have. You already know me and accept me, and there’s nothing else I can ask for.”

“Tommy, you’ve just given me everything.”

“Not quite everything. There’s more.” We both stand from the swing and I lead her inside to my kitchen. I reach for the copies of the paperwork, left on the counter that was filed a few days ago, and hand it to her. She furrows her brows while she reads and tries to understand what I’ve just handed her.

When recognition hits, her head snaps up and her eyes lock with mine, tears already forming again. She shakes her head no and I smile, stepping close, nodding yes.

“Yes, Farrah. It’s time.”

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