Page 56 of Cruel Malady: A Necrosis of the Mind

It’s faded and hard to grasp—but it’s there, the solution, buried just below the gauze shrouding my thoughts.

I bury my face in my wet hands, clearing some of the fog.

Alex would never fall for a ploy so basic. But really, if I fail, I’ll have lost nothing. It’s a chance—and that’s a reason to try.

“I feel strange,” I say, as I wade through the water. I notice where the trickling is stemming from, and look up at a cascade of water sheeting over a jutted crag in the rock face.

“Strange how?” Alex probes. “Immediate side effects should wear off within a day.”

My gaze stays on the waterfall. “I don’t know, just strange. My chest feels heavy, but it’s not in a terrible way. I want to go into the waterfall. It’s so beautiful and serene.”

“Blakely, you’re worrying me. Maybe I should take you back—”

I push through the water toward him and grasp his face between both hands. I stare up, making my eyes wide, my lips trembling from the cold and onslaught of emotion. And before I say what’s right on the edge, I hear Mrs. Fisher’s voice in my head.

Cruelty is a disease, Lauraleigh. It will fester inside you like cancer.

This may be the cruelest thing I’ll ever do, but Alex has earned my cruelty.

“If I could rip your throat out right now, I would. I would carve out your jugular and watch your blood stain the water, and I would feel….nothing.”

Alex swallows, his throat works hard, his gaze unwavering. “Then what’s stopping you?”

I crush my body to his and run my fingers through his damp hair. The spray off the waterfall makes the droplets look like the stars in the dark sky. I lick my lips slowly, tasting the river water, and his eyes fall to my mouth.

“What you did to me…what you’ve been doing to me…” I trail off. “No one has ever done such things. No one would everdarehurt me the way you have. No one would, because no one cares about me that much to try to help—” My voice cracks, and I glance down at the ripples of water barely separating us.

His hands are clamped to my shoulders, holding me at bay. When I look up at him, his brow is furrowed as he studies my expression. I wonder if he can discern the lie there—if I have a tell that he’s already labeled in his journal.

“We should go back to the lab.” He looks past me. “Run tests. Get updated scans.”

I smile at that. “I said you were the rabbit.”

His fingers press into my skin. “I don’t understand—”

“Did you ever realize how Alice never stopped,couldn’tstop chasing the rabbit? It was a compulsion. Even though that world was crazy and frightening, she kept chasing. You’re not the rabbit, Alex. You’re Alice. Chasing your compulsion to some deranged Wonderland.”

His hands drag over my shoulders and slowly travel up to clasp my face between his palms. His mouth parts as hunger sparks in his eyes. The air charges around us. “You’re my Wonderland.”

“And you’re a hypocrite,” I say.

Confusion creases his forehead, and I grip his shirt in my hands. “I should rip your fucking throat out, but I can’t. Not because you don’t deserve to suffer. And not because of any law or self-preservation. I can’t…because it would cause me tofeelsomething I don’t even know how to describe.”

And there it is—the smallest glimmer, the hopeful well in his pale-blue eyes. He wants to believe. I just have to give this delusional fuck a reason.

“Touch me, Alex,” I say, a hot whisper against his lips. “If you don’t touch me, my chest will explode. There’s too much…just too much all at once, and I need you to siphon off the overflow.”

“Christ, Blakely.” He tries to pull away, but I cling to his shirt. He places his hands over mine. “Don’t do this to me.”

A strangled laugh escapes. “Do this toyou? You fucking coward. You torture me. Sadistically subject me to scans, drugs, and literally cook my brain, and now you can’t handle the… What’s the thing you scientists are always touting?”

His gaze flits over my features, his breath slices in and out of his lungs. “Results,” he says, a hint of awe in his voice.

I palm his face, thumb pressed below his bottom lip. I force his face so close to mine, he can feel the fire of my words. “This is your result, Alex. Everything you ever wanted me to feel, I’m yours to make feel. I’m your monster, waiting for your command. You brought me to life, and now you want to abandon me in the dark to suffer—”

His lips crash against mine. The force of the kiss rocks through me, a collision of vicious want and loathing and pure desperation to make the relentless longing end. His lips are steel on mine as his fingers splay into my wet hair. I tilt my head back to meet his demand, my tongue sweeping out to touch his, the assault liquid fire in my veins.

It’s unexpected, and unsettling, the way my breath stills in my chest, the building ache painful and gratifying all at once. I shove any uncertainty down, far down below the disdainful voice whispering that this is a mistake.

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