Page 10 of Cherish

“Everything,” I answer. “But what do I care what flowers she wants to use to commemorate my ascension to the Head of the Circle? Or what color dress she wants to put me in? I was more than happy to let her take the reins.”

“That’s seriously what you traded to get a portal?” Flint looks amazed. “Flowers and a dress?”

“Music, too, I think. And food. But since I’ve never been to one of these ceremonies, it definitely feels like I got the better end of the deal.” I shrug.

“Umm, yeah. Definitely,” he agrees before sprinting to catch up with Eden and Heather, who are walking several yards ahead of us.

As he runs away, I can’t help noticing that he’s barely got a limp at all now. I’ve hated watching him struggle to acclimate since he lost his leg on that damn island, but he’s obviously healing well and getting used to his prosthetic.

“You sure you’re up for this?” Jaxon asks, walking beside Hudson and me as we allow the stars to guide us over the rocky path that weaves along the cliffs overlooking the Celtic Sea.

I know he’s referring to seeing Jikan, and I get it. It’s never exactly fun to deal with the God of Time. But in this case, Jikan really does seem like our best chance to save Mekhi.

“Absolutely,” I reply.

Jaxon doesn’t look convinced. “And you’re sure he’s going to be here?”

“It’s Thursday,” I answer.

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Jaxon frowns.

“Jikan’s always here on Thursdays. It’s kind of his thing.”

Jaxon raises a brow. “That’s a weird thing to have, isn’t it?”

“You’ll see,” I say, hoping to cut off his questions about the time god. Not because I don’t have the answers to them but because this is the first time I’ve had Jaxon and Hudson alone since I regained my memories of the years I spent in the Shadow Realm.

I have better things to talk to them about than Jikan. Especially when the next couple of days are going to be rough and we have no idea how they’re going to end up. This may be the last time I ever get a chance to say what I have to say to the two of them.

We can try to bluster our way through all of this, pretending it’s not a big deal. But the truth is, going back to the Shadow Realm is dangerous as fuck, and none of us knows if the Shadow Queen will even be willing to listen to us. If I’m being honest, she’s just as likely to try to kill us all, key or no key. Last time, Hudson and I barely escaped with our lives—and I didn’t escape with my memories.

If that happens again, or if something worse does, there’s something I need to say first.

I’ve loved both of these guys, and while Hudson is my mate—the person the universe created just for me—Jaxon will always be special to me. And no matter what’s going on with him and Flint, I know that I’ll always be special to him, too.

We may not care about each other the way we once did, but that only makes what I have to say more important—for all of us.

With that thought in my head, I reach for Hudson’s hand and bring it to my lips. Then I reach for Jaxon’s and squeeze it tight.

He squeezes back, a quizzical expression on his face as he glances down at me. “Everything okay, Grace?”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. It’s not the most eloquent apology out there, but it is the most heartfelt. “That goes for both of you.”

“Sorry?” Jaxon seems bewildered. “For what?”

Hudson doesn’t say anything. He just wraps a supportive arm around my waist and waits for whatever I’m going to say next.

“For everything that happened after I got back from the Shadow Realm.” I look from my mate to my former mate and back again. “I hurt you both so much, and you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“You’re not responsible for what happened,” Hudson tells me. “You lost your memories.”

Yeah, butwhydid I lose my memories? Maybe it was because of the time magic that the dragon hit me with, like Hudson said. Or maybe it was because I didn’t want to remember. Maybe I didn’t want to have to hurt Jaxon.

Just the thought makes me shudder, has my stomach twisting and my heart beating way too fast. Because I never wanted to hurt either of these guys and, in the end, I hurt them both unbearably. Now that I remember the entirety of my time in Adarie, everything that’s happened since feels so much worse, even though it was never anything but awful.

“I don’t know that that matters,” I say. Jaxon makes a protesting noise in his throat, and I turn to him. “But I think it’s important that you know something about what happened with Hudson—not just for our relationship but also for your relationship with Flint.”

Now it’s Hudson’s turn to protest, but I ignore him. He’s spent so much of his life playing the villain, he doesn’t understand that sometimes showing he’s the good guy is actually the way to go.

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