Page 26 of Absolution

I wasn’t happy about her wording. This wasn’t about me exerting my control over her like some tyrant. It was about making sure she fucking stayed alive.

Once again, I knelt before her and waited until her eyes locked on mine. “I’m not here because I want to control you. It’s going to take time, but I hope soon you’ll come to understand, I only want to protect you and right whatever wrongs I caused.”

“I don’t know that you can,” came her sad and quiet reply.

Chapter 17

Gina

Leo had doneas promised and brought his things over. I hadn’t slept well last night knowing he was on the other side of my bedroom wall. He hadn’t even been my bodyguard for one day, and I was already having major anxiety over everything.

While he’d been gone, Sonia had called to check on me, and I did the one thing you’re never supposed to do: I lied. I assured her I was feeling better after our meeting last night, and much more in control. Which was the farthest thing from the truth. The last time I felt this out of control, I’d started using.

“You ready?”

I blinked. Crap, my appointment. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Leo parked the car in the garage of Madeline’s building. His entire body was on alert as we walked through the darkened space, and he didn’t relax until we were in her waiting area.

He was flipping through the pages of some magazine, entirely unaware of the jitters buzzing inside me. Madeline opened the door and only paused briefly when she spotted Leo in the chair next to me.

“Gina.”

I rose and followed her back to her office taking a seat in my usual chair.

“Tell me how you’re feeling.”

I released a self-deprecating chuckle. “Let’s see. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat, because my stomach is constantly in knots. My rapist is stalking me and playing mind fuck games. Oh, and now the person I used to love most in the world is my round the clock bodyguard.”

“Leo, I presume?”

“You presume correctly.”

“Gina, you need protection, and you know it. Gideon is dangerous. In so many ways. He’s dangerous to your sobriety. He’s a danger to your mental health. Most importantly, he’s a danger to your physical self. I have no doubt prison has only made him more so.”

I sighed in defeat. “I know.”

“Why don’t you tell me how you feel about Leo being your bodyguard.”

I stared at her incredulously. “How do you think I feel? I’m pissed. He showed up at my house last night with Connor and Webber and pronounced it to be. I argued, of course, but he pulled out the Dom attitude, and I caved.”

“I see.”

My eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean? Cause I’m not sure I like your tone.”

“Are you prepared for my answer?” Madeline was non-plussed by my salty behavior.

No, I didn’t think I was.

“I don’t think you caved because Leo’s a Dom and you’re a sub. I think you gave in because there’s still a part of you that wants Leo back in your life. Not necessarily for something romantic or intimate. Your consciousness knows he left you unprotected when you were the most vulnerable, however unintentionally. But your unconsciousness wants to retreat to the point in your childhood before he left. Like a do-over. If he protects you now, it’s as though the last thirteen years can be erased.”

I lunged forward. “They can’t be erased. It doesn’t matter whether Leo is my stupid bodyguard or not. Nothing is going to erase Gideon raping me for two years. Emotionally manipulating me for even longer than that. It won’t erase my drug habit. Or any of the other shitty things I’ve done in my life.”

My chest heaved with emotion by the time I was done. This is why I fucking hated therapy. It repeatedly opened scabbed over wounds that never fully healed.

“Have you told Leo about your past? I’m not talking about Lorenzo or the trial. I’m talking about the assault. The emotional and mental torture Gideon put you through. The drug use.”

I stared at her like she was the crazy one. “No. Why should I?”

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