Page 12 of Chasing Secrets

“Wait, what?” Theo blurted. He jerked his head to look over his shoulder at the spot where he’d been lying on my bed. “I’m not staying in here with you!”

Although his words were emphatic, the stain of color on his cheeks had me wondering if maybe he wasn’t as outraged by the idea as he thought he should be. I sure as shit wasn’t having any problem with the idea of the young man spending more time in my bed, preferably with me in it as well.

“You’ll be in your room, and I’ll be in mine, Theo. I’d like to restart your IV and I’ll need to check your arm and probably clean it a few times, but that’s about it. My guess is you’re going to be feeling a whole lot better by this time tomorrow. When youarefeeling better, you decide what happens next.” I paused before adding, “It’s safe here, Theo. And I don’t just mean physically. This place… it’s kind of a zoo but it’s quiet too if that makes sense.”

I shook my head because I wasn’t even sure what I was trying to do. “Sorry, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” I said as I began to rise. I was stunned when Theo grabbed my hand with the fingers on his good arm.

He didn’t say anything right away. Instead, he stared at my fingers for several long seconds. I doubted he was even aware that he was stroking his thumb over mine. I sure as shit was aware of it, though, and it was all I could do to calm the raging bout of desire that surged through me.

“Do you run from them too?” he finally asked, his voice laced with both sadness and confusion.

“From what?” I asked. I found myself returning the soft caress of his fingers over mine.

“The secrets?”

He sounded painfully young and lost, but instead of spouting off some bullshit about how life would get better, I responded with the truth.

“Every fucking day.”

CHAPTERFOUR

THEO

Iknew what I needed to do. I knew what response the safer bet would be. I knew the churning in my belly would ease as soon as I released Lincoln’s fingers, stood, and collected my bag so I could walk out the door.

I knew all that, but my brain refused to command my body to do anything other than sit there and bask in that little bit of warmth Lincoln’s skin offered mine.

Every fucking day.

The way he’d said those words told me he got it. He understood what it meant to keep secrets. He knew that sometimes the only thing you could do to keep a secret was to run from it. Always be a step ahead of it.

“Okay,” I heard myself whisper as my brain finally began to take control of my wayward body again. I let myself get lost in the fiery pain that was now consuming my entire arm so that I could force myself to release his fingers. The knowledge that I was trusting this man to keep his word made me want to throw up all over again. I actually had to swallow down a rush of bile that escaped my cramping stomach when Lincoln began settling me back in his bed. I should have reminded him that he’d said I would be in my own bed, but I couldn’t find my voice as my body seemed to turn into one huge raw nerve.

Everything hurt.

The scrape of the blanket over my legs as Lincoln drew it over me.

The hardness of the mattress that made it feel like my bones were going to burst through my flesh at any moment.

Pain was a funny thing for me. It was my salvation in so many ways but only because of what it represented.

Control.

Pain was only useful to me if I was the one in control of it. When I had no control, it was like every other second of my life I was… lost. I was running wildly through a forest of darkness that had no end.

“Theo, are you okay to take pain medication?” I heard Lincoln ask.

I knew why he was asking. If I was fucked up enough in the head to cut my own skin, it wasn’t a big leap to assume I did other things to dull my pain.

I nodded. I wasn’t an addict. Drugs were a step I’d been too afraid to take aside from a few pills when I’d needed them most. There was no control when that shit hit your system.Itcontrolledyou. That was the last thing I needed.

“Okay, hold on, sweetheart, it’ll get better in a minute.”

I had my eyes closed, so I couldn’t see Lincoln’s expression when he spoke the words, but that one little endearment was like a lifeline in a sea of nothingness. I knew he’d probably only said it like an adult often did to a child to comfort them, but I pretended it was different.

That it was more.

“Do you have any allergies?”

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