Page 13 of Chasing Secrets

“No,” I croaked because I was afraid shaking my head would cause it to explode.

It seemed like hours, days even, before I felt like I could breathe again. Warmth began to spread through my veins like the sweetest of treats. I wanted to cry in relief. It wasn’t until I felt Lincoln’s fingers on my cheek, his thumb gently moving back and forth over my cheekbone, that I realized Iwascrying.

I should have been horrified that the man was witnessing yet another weakness on my part, but that warmth was too potent to care much about anything.

Can’t let go…

The harsh little reminder tried to drown out the tingling that was following the slow slide of that warmth in my blood but even if I could have done something to regain control of myself, of my reaction to Lincoln’s touch, whatever drug he’d given me was too strong and it was the words themselves that were drowned out.

My body felt tired and heavy yet weightless at the same time, but I was strangely hyperaware of Lincoln’s touch. I actually reached my own hand up to close around the wrist of the hand that was cradling my cheek.

But I didn’t try to force the hand away. No, I wanted to keep it there.

Ineededit there.

I fought the lure of the darkness that made it impossible to open my eyes so I could confirm Lincoln was still there… that he wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

That he hadn’t left me.

The fingers on my cheek tightened a tiny bit and I swore I felt further evidence of Lincoln’s presence on my other cheek. Not his fingers, though… something softer. Something that ghosted over the damp skin before it was gone and a gentle wash of air replaced it.

“You can let go, baby. I’ve got you.”

The whispered words were spoken right against my ear, meaning Lincoln’s face was achingly close to my own. Had it been his lips that had felt like silk against my skin just seconds earlier?

And that endearment… that had been real, right?

I needed him to say it again, so I knew that ithadbeen real. I needed to turn my head so I could feel those lips against mine. Would they still feel like silk?

But I was already too far gone. As the calming darkness consumed me, I tried one last time to say the words that had always brought me comfort.

I’m okay.

Except that wasn’t what I said.

Not even close.

CHAPTERFIVE

LINCOLN

Lincoln.

He’d said my name on his last whisper of breath before he’d given in to the medication’s lure of peace.

It had been hours ago that Theo had spoken my name in that instant between wakefulness and sleep, but I could still feel the whisper of his breath against my cheek. I remembered the exact second his lips had grazed my skin for the briefest of moments as he’d said my name.

And I would never forget all the things he hadn’t said at the same time. His terrible fear of having no control over what was happening to him, the desperation to make sure he still didn’t trust me, but most importantly, the relief.

The goddamn fucking relief that I knew with every cell of my body that he’d been desperately waiting for.

I couldn’t even begin to make sense of what I’d been thinking when I’d pressed my lips against his cheek before speaking those forbidden words in his ear. I’d seen countless patients who’d been in even more pain as their lives had begun the inevitable journey to the end, but I’d always managed to remain detached while giving comfort. I’d had to be. It was the only way to do the job.

I sure as shit had never kissed them and showered them with very non-nurse-like words like sweetheart and baby.

But I’d also never felt like my insides were being twisted into knots by the cruelest of hands as I watched my patient suffer.

And Theohadbeen suffering. When he’d let go of the iron grip he had on his self-control, his body had finally been allowed to feel every hurt he’d inflicted upon himself for God only knew how long. Every slice of his skin, every denial of much-needed calories, every scream he’d never let loose, every tear he’d never let fall… they’d hit him all at once.

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