Page 31 of Chasing Secrets

Myhair tie.

The one I’d given him that very afternoon.

The one he’d accepted and left on as we’d walked back to the house together.

I had no idea what had happened between then and now, but from the clear placement of that elastic band, I knew it was bad.

I felt like I was in one of those escape room games where my only clues were a piece of cake, an unwanted hair tie and little else.

But as confused as I was, there was another emotion that nearly had full control of my entire body.

Fear.

I didn’t say anything as I walked around Theo’s bed and set the cake on the nightstand before sitting down on the bed itself. I was facing Theo but he made no move to turn in my direction so I could see his expression. In fact, he hadn’t moved even one iota.

“Theo, are you hurt?” I asked, though I barely recognized the rasp in my voice.

He didn’t answer me. He didn’t look at me. He just kept his eyes on whatever spot he found so fascinating. I doubted that he was seeing anything at all.

“Theo, I need to know if you’re hur—?”

“That’s not what you really want to know,” he quietly interrupted. His voice was flat, emotionless. “Ask the right question, Lincoln.”

I pulled in a shaky breath and tried to calm my nerves. “Did you cut yourself?” I somehow managed to get out. I was trying really hard to get into nurse mode, but I was once again that man sitting by the stream hoping a stray dog would show up so that I could find a tiny piece of joy on what had otherwise been a shitty day… untilhe’dcome along.

“Yes,” Theo responded simply.

Before I could even ask, he lifted his sleeve. Parallel to the long line of raised, pinked flesh that still had some scabby spots was a large bandage. I recognized it as the same kind as the ones I’d used on his larger wound, only this one was considerably smaller.

“Aftercare already done, Nurse Ratchet. I figured you wouldn’t mind if I used some of the stuff from your medical bag.”

Instead of responding, I got up and went to the window seat. I sat down on the other end. Since the thing wasn’t meant for two full-grown men, it was a tight fit but that was fine by me. I used my booted feet to cage Theo in. I was pleased that the move made him finally react, even if it was him pulling his body into itself as tightly as he could. There were several feet separating our upper bodies but since Theo clearly hadn’t been expecting the move in the first place, he was still pretty rattled.

I didn’t care. I’d already crossed that patient/health care provider line a long time ago and I couldn’t go back.

I didn’t want to.

“How many times have you hurt yourself since that first night?” I asked bluntly.

Theo looked at me in surprise for a moment, then dropped his eyes.

Because he couldn’t get his mask in place… yet.

And I had no intention of letting him hide behind it. “How many?” I repeated.

He began fisting his hands and I knew he wanted to lay into me, either verbally or physically. He wanted to tell me it was none of my fucking business which, in truth, it wasn’t. Honestly, I didn’t care what the answer was. Theo was hurting now. Cutting himself tonight might have dulled whatever emotions had driven him to do it in the first place but those emotions, that pain was still buried deep inside of him.

I knew in my heart that he had a mountain of pain scarring his soul, stealing it away bit by bit. I couldn’t do anything about that tonight, but fuck if I was going to let him hide behind somethingIwas likely the cause of.

No fucking way.

Not again.

“Every day,” Theo said as evenly as he could. He looked up at me, but I instantly saw the lie before he could mask it behind indifference.

“How many times? I want a number,” I said calmly even though I felt like I was being torn in two inside.

“Twelve,” he quickly responded.

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