Page 116 of Say I Do

I got brand new shoes. They cost so much money. B is stressed. I think he knows what I did. I’m so scared.

Feb 20th

E isn’t coming around as much. B is always here. He works himself to death. He wants to save me. If I go through with this, I could be saving people. The P keeps telling me that, but I don’t know if I believe it anymore. I just wanted to meet someone good.

Mar 1st

I sold the shoes. They went for so much money. If I take a few things, E won’t care. B will notice. He’s always watching me. It’s so creepy.

Apr 3rd

Five days clean. I can do this. B said he will take me to Mexico on vacation if I can make it to two months. It’s hard. So hard. I want to prove I can do it. Maybe we can be together, at least for now. Abigail doesn’t understand how good this is. How I’ll make a difference.

Apr 4th

What is love?

Do I deserve it? B thinks so, but what does it matter? I’m his dirty secret. E looks at me confused when I ask him if he loves me. Why is this my life? Am I not worth loving at all?

Apr 8th

HE’S A MONSTER! So much blood. It was scary. The scream sounded like a thousand flies in my ears. I can’t do this. I’m so scared. He’s a monster. 66th Ave apt C. I need to forget.

Apr 12th

I can’t do this! I hate this. I hate the way my skin crawls. His hands are covered in blood. I don’t want them to touch me anymore. Maybe E will protect me. Maybe he will let me stay in the hotel penthouse until everything blows over.

May 21st

I’m going to tell E everything. I have to. I love him too much. He saved me. Made me see that there is more to life than the drugs. I don’t care what Detective Caster says. There is no way B will let me live. I saw it all. What they do to people who betray them. I need to run.

There were more scribbled notes that made no sense, a bunch of words joined together but nothing coherent. Did this person love E or B? My mind ran in circles as I tried to piece it together.

I stood ready to take the scribbled diary entries to Benito. I needed to understand why he had them. Why they looked worn as if he’d read them more times than the person who wrote them. Why was he still holding on to them? My heart was firmly lodged in my throat as I looked the pages over again. The words started to blur together.

B and E?Benito had to be B.Then who is E?It was clear whoever wrote the pages had been involved with the cops, Benito, and one other person.

I didn’t know enough about Benito to be able to piece it together without help. But the idea of asking Benito what any of it meant made me want to puke. Fear wormed its way in and sank in deep, cementing my feet to the floor.

The shrill ringing of my phone made me jump. “Fuck.” I glanced around, but I was still alone. I pulled my phone from my pocket and blew out a breath when I saw it was Gin.

“Hello.”

“Where is he?”

I glanced at the door and then the papers in my hand.Do I put them back?

“Harlow?” Gin asked.

I folded them up and stuffed them into my pocket. “Calm down, I’m still here.” I stepped out of the room and peeked around. “In the kitchen again.”

“What does he look like?” Enzo’s voice crackled over the line.

Man, I hadn’t been sure calling the brothers was the right move. but it was nice they were just as worried about Benito as I was.

I pulled the phone away from my face and snapped a quick picture. Benito’s button-up was untucked, and his pants hung low on his hips. His hair was a mess. He had chocolate milk in one hand and a slice of cake in the other.

“What?” Gin asked. “Enzo talk to me.”

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