Page 34 of Too Late

I’m still shaking when I walk into the building. It’s been hours since the incident with Asa, but I’m still sick over it. I’ve never been that scared. Not even last night when Jon was on top of me with a knife to my throat.

I can’t believe I said Carter’s name out loud while I slept. Not only could I have gotten myself in a serious situation with Asa—I could have been responsible for whatever Asa would have done to Carter.

I don’t know how I recovered from that one as well as I did. And thank fuck Carter’s name rhymes with harder.

But one thing I’m not relieved about is what happened afterward. The things Asa said to me. Him bringing marriage into it.

Him not using a condom.

I don’t know what Asa does when I’m not around. I’ve never been told he cheats on me other than what Jon said last night, but I don’t even know what he meant by that. I’ve also never caught him cheating, but I don’t trust him enough to put my health and my life at risk.

But that happened this morning and it’s at the forefront of my mind. The second it turned 8:00 a.m., I called my doctor and made an appointment for next week to be tested. I’m on the pill and I take it religiously, so I’m not at all worried about him getting me pregnant. But I am worried about everything else he could give me.

I’ll try not to think about it until next week. And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen again. I was just honestly too scared for my life to say anything this morning. I’ve never seen him look at me with so much hatred as he did when he thought he heard me moan Carter’s name.

When hedidhear me moan Carter’s name.

Before I walk to class to face Carter, I stop by the bathroom and try to calm myself down. Now that I’m not in the same house with Asa, I can breathe easier. But I have no idea how to ensure I don’t talk in my sleep again. If it means just never sleeping in the presence of Asa again, I’ll figure out a way to do that.

When I’m finished in the bathroom and walk out into the hallway, the first thing I see is Carter, propped up near the door of our classroom.

He’s waiting for me.

When he sees me, he stands up straight and waits for me to reach him.

“You okay?” he says, his eyes immediately falling to my neck. There are bruises there from what Jon did to me last night, but it’ll probably look even worse by the end of today, thanks to what Asa did this morning.

God, what kind of fucking life am I living right now that I’m choked by two different men in the span of twelve hours?

“I’m fine,” I say unconvincingly.

Carter lifts his hand and touches a finger to my throat. “It’s bruised,” he says. “Did Asa notice?”

He runs the back of one of his fingers across my neck. I know it’s out of concern, but whenever he makes any sort of contact with me at all—no matter the reason—I seem to forget just how capable I am of actually feeling things. I’ve learned to numb myself over the past couple of years with Asa, and Carter negates all that effort.

“He noticed, but he wasn’t suspicious. He thought he did it himself.”

My words cause Carter to flinch. His eyes flick back to mine. “Sloan,” he whispers, shaking his head. He pulls his hand away from my neck and runs it through his hair. I can see the roll of his throat as he swallows back what looks like pure hatred at the thought of Asa’s hands on me. He’s obviously worried about me, which I completely understand. But he also knows why I stay, and he doesn’t seem to judge me for it. He actually understands my situation and sympathizes with it. I like that about him—his empathy.

Something Asa has probably never felt for anyone his whole life.

Carter lays a gentle hand on my elbow. “Come on. Let’s get our seats.” He makes an attempt to direct me toward the door, but I pull back.

“Carter, wait.”

He turns around to face me again, stepping aside to let two students enter. I glance down the hallway to the left and then to the right. “I have to tell you something.”

Concern overtakes whatever residual anger he felt. He nods and leads me down the hallway, away from the door, looking for somewhere more private. We pass another door and he checks the window, then the doorknob. It turns, so he pulls open the door and leads me inside.

It’s an empty music room, flanked with various instruments against one wall and several desks arranged in a circle in the middle of the room. When the door closes behind us and we finally have privacy, I expect Carter to ask me what I need to tell him. Instead, as soon as I turn around, he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me, cradling my head against his shoulder.

He hugs me.

That’s all he does. He hugs me tightly without a word, yet I can feel everything he’s saying. And I realize that since last night—since everything that happened with Jon—he’s probably been worried sick about me. He probably wanted to hug me and reassure me last night. As soon as he saw me this morning. But simple hugs aren’t so simple in my life.

I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shirt, inhaling the subtle hint of his cologne. He smells like the beach. I close my eyes and wish we were there. Away from all this bullshit.

We stand in silence for several minutes, neither of us moving. After a while, I can’t tell who is hugging whom—who is holding whom. It’s like we’re both barely suspended, clinging to each other, afraid we might fall down if either of us lets go.

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