Page 109 of Too Late

“I miss you, baby.” I rub my hand over her stomach while I talk to her. I try to sound sweet. Maybe if she remembers how good we were together, we can somehow get back to that. “Do you know how lonely it is in our house, Sloan? It’s lonely without you there. Ihateit.”

She closes her eyes again. I press a soft kiss against her lips. “I thought I was over you,” I say, thinking back to yesterday. To the rage-filled rampage I went on with Jesus-on-a-stick. “I hated you, Sloan. But I don’t like hating you, baby.”

She sucks in a long rush of air, and my mouth is so close to hers, she steals some of my breath. I give her more. I press my mouth to hers and I kiss her, filling her mouth with my tongue. She refuses to kiss me back.

“Sloan,” I whisper, dragging my lips across hers. “Baby, I need you to kiss me back. I need to know if I still mean anything to you.” I remain patient, still touching her, watching her. She finally opens her eyes.

And then she remembers. She lifts her head, parting her lips for me.

She remembers how much I’ve done for her.

She remembers how much I loved her. HowhardI loved her. When her tongue slides against mine, I want to fucking cry.

“Baby, I’ve missed you so much,” I say to her. But then I shut up, because she’s kissing me like she used to kiss me before she was corrupted. She’s kissing me the way she kissed me that first night in the alley when my mouth was the first one to introduce her to a kiss.

She’s moving now, lifting her arms, rubbing her hands up my neck. I needed this so much. It was worth the risk of removing the ankle monitor.Soworth it. I know I came here with different intentions, but that’s because I was angry. Luke makes me feel so much hatred, it caused me to confuse what I feel for him with what I feel for Sloan. It made me think she was evil, but she’s not.

She’s a victim.

She’s simply Luke’s victim and she just needed me to remind her of how different it feels to be held by me. She needed to feel me inside her to remind her that she’s being brainwashed to forget me. But she didn’t forget me.

She remembers.

“Asa,” she whispers, saying my name with desire. “Asa, I’m sorry.”

I pull back, shocked that I can even force words out when I need her so fucking much I can’t even breathe. “It’s okay,” I say, brushing the hair back from her face. “It’s okay. We’ll get past this. He made you hate me, and for a moment he made me hate you. But that’s not us, Sloan. You don’t hate me.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t, Asa. I don’t hate you.”

I can see the apology all over her face. I can feel the regret in her words and in the tears that are still falling. She forces a smile, but it’s hard for her because this is so intense. Being reunited with her like this, feeling how much she misses me. It’s the most intense feeling I’ve ever had. It almost makes the entire last few months all worth it.

Thisis heaven.Thisis God’s apology.

“I forgive you,” I whisper, and I’m not sure if I’m forgiving Sloan or if I’m forgiving God. Maybe I’m forgiving both of them, because this is worth all the forgiveness in the world. Making up with her feels so fucking good, I might even consider forgiving Luke.

Okay, that’s not true. I’ll never forgive that piece of shit. But I’ll worry about him later. Right now, I’m preoccupied with the love of my life.

“Don’t leave me again, Sloan,” I say, holding her against me. I can’t even describe this. I thought I loved her before, but it doesn’t compare to this moment, to the intensity rushing through my veins. My heart beats for her. She’s why my heart still beats at all, and I’m not sure I realized it to the extent I realize it now. “Don’t ever fucking leave me again. If you break your promise, I don’t know if I can be as forgiving.”

Maybe this feels so different because I love more than just Sloan now. I love what’s growing inside her. She’s growing our child, which means there’s so much more of her to love. There’s her and then there’s the tiny little piece of heaven that we created together, growing inside her body. AndfuckLuke. Luke wouldn’t be capable of creating life that’s due on Christmas fuckingday.

I know I created this baby with her because I wouldn’t feel this way if it were Luke’s baby. This feeling is God, letting me know that a part of me is inside of Sloan, and that I need to do what I can to protect both of them from Luke.

I move until I can press my cheek to Sloan’s stomach. I lay my palm flat against her skin and I squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears still come. I can’t believe I’m crying right now.What the fuck?Does realizing you’re a dad instantly turn men into pussies?

I squeeze her tight and I kiss my baby. I kiss her over and over. Her stomach is so beautiful, and I know the life we created together will be beautiful, just like Sloan. She runs her hand through my hair. “You’re gonna be a daddy, Asa.”

Those words she just spoke are embedded into my soul. I laugh and I keep fucking crying, and then I’m on top of her again, kissing her. I can’t get enough of her. “You’re so beautiful, baby. You’re so beautiful. If I knew how fucking beautiful being pregnant would make you, I would have tampered with your birth control way sooner than I did.”

I feel her freeze for a second and it makes me laugh. I pull back and look down on her, but she gives me a half-hearted smile. “What?” she says. Her voice cracks a little.

I laugh and kiss her again. “You can’t be mad at me, Sloan.” I put a hand on her stomach again and look down on her. “I did it for us. So you wouldn’t leave me.” For some reason, she’s crying. But so am I. All good tears. “We’ve been through fucking hell, but look at us. We’re having a baby.” I kiss her and I leave my lips pressed lightly against hers. “You won’t leave me again, Sloan. Not with my baby inside of you. Right?”

She immediately shakes her head. “I won’t, Asa. I promise. I’ll never leave you.”

“Say it again.”

“I’ll never leave you.”

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