Page 96 of Payne's Envy

“The night I was supposed to take you to that school dance, I took you here first. We didn’t make it to the dance.”

Oh, Hades. How had I forgotten about my senior prom? I’d been so excited to go because Payne had agreed to go with me. But… when I tried to recall the dance or anything around that time, my thoughts came up blank. A part of me had wondered if I had dreamed of him agreeing to go. Over time, I buried the dance in my mind because… I never made it to my prom like Payne said, did I?

What did I forget?

“When you were eighteen, right over there…” Payne pointed toward the fireflies. “I held you close and confessed my love.”

My heart hammered in my chest as Payne pulled me in. I tried not to get emotional. I really did, but he was telling me something beautiful, so unreal. When he was Deathraka, he convinced me he’d always loved me back. But Payne was whole. All his memories returned, and he confirmed it. Any doubt left seeped from my bones as my vision blurred.

“Accepting my love came at a price. In order to withstand my touch once I fully matured, I had to make you like me. With a kiss, I did, and you burned right before my eyes. Flames poured from your lips and then continued to the rest of your body. You burned for days because of me.”

Suddenly, it all made sense. My dad and Payne were terrified, for my sake. They separated me from Payne to protect me. “So, you hid from me out of fear of hurting me?” I sobbed, and my mate hugged me.

Only after I settled down did he continue speaking.

“I didn’t know what happened or how I hurt you. Grim knew I was responsible for your coma. He wasn’t wrong for wanting to protect you back then, even if a part of me resented him for his interference. We didn’t know what I did or what type of being I was. He told me to find out. That I couldn’t be near his daughter if I couldn’t figure out what I’d done.”

Payne cupped my face, and I was crying again, melting into his arms.

“That’s the truth. That’s why I hid from you and left Grim’s woods. Not because your love forced me away. I loved you so much that I wanted to keep you safe until I could properly hold and touch you.”

“I’m sorry,” I said between hiccups.

Payne wiped my eyes.

“I was such a brat. Always putting myself in front of you and begging for your attention. Not realizing I was hurting both of us.”

“I loved your attention. No matter how much I feigned disinterest, I would have died without those small moments.”

“Sorry,” I said again.

“You’re not upset that you burned to death, then fell into a coma because of me and forgot days of memories?”

“No. How could I live without your touch? Even if I had to wait a long time to receive it, I wanted it.”

His eyes softened. “I know. I’m glad I can touch you, but I never want to see you in that state again.”

“You won’t.” I hugged him. “I can handle your flames.”

“There’s more.”

“Did I forget something else?”

“No. After I hurt you, you sought affection from another,” he said while shaking his head.My stomach bubbled like acid was in it. I didn’t want to remember how I’d slept with two different men in the past. That I allowed myself to be childish and go elsewhere when I knew I loved Payne. He hurt me by ignoring me, and I didn't know how to deal with his absence in my life.

“Please don’t bring that up.”

“I blacked out twice. Once I smelled them on you, everything became a red haze. I killed them, Joy, and Grim found out. So, yes, your father had reason to be wary of me around you. I lost complete control of myself each time. When I became a Reaper, I swore an oath to only kill those who were evil and help guide the dead. I broke that oath when I killed those two demons.”

“You knew about the vampire and warlock?”

Payne’s eyes flickered. “If it had been more than two, I would have known, Joy. I might have looked like I hadn’t been paying attention to you, but I knew every detail, no matter how subtle. Whether you cut your hair or changed perfume… I especially knew when you smelled of two males that weren’t me.”

“I was a young woman begging for your attention. Back then, I wanted you to get angry and come to me. You didn’t react at all.”

“I got angry all right and reacted. You just didn’t know. It fucking hurt, but I knew I had no right to be upset by your choicesbecause you didn’t know why I ran from you.”

“If I could, I would take it back,” I whispered.

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