Page 83 of She will Always be Mine

Once I’ve righted every wrong done to us, I’ll prove to her that nothing in this world is worth ending our relationship for. There will always be someone tearing us apart. But as long as we have each other, they’ll never win.

Gazing at her, my heart squeezes at the sadness on her face and I desperately want to take that away. I promise to myself I won’t stop until the Nyra I fell in love with returns. Shy yet bold.

The light to my darkness.

“You’re not tainted, Nyra,” I say once the light turns green and I start driving again. “You can never be tainted in my eyes.”

I feel her tense and her spine go rigid before she masks it. But I know her mind is taking her back to the night she whispered those words to me. I expect her to deny it altogether but she surprises me by saying with a forced shrug, “Don’t be so sure, Riaan.”

Being in the shadow of her watchful mother, she has become quite good at hiding her real emotions, becoming even more defensive. But if she believes she can fool me the same way, she’s in for a rude awakening.

She can’t hide from the one who has always seen every wicked and soulful part of her. She couldn’t do it that night and she certainly can’t do it now.

“If there’s one thing I’ve ever been certain of in my entire existence, it’s you.”

Sharply, she turns to me, her eyes pained as she warns, “I’ll be your downfall.”

“As long as you’re with me.”

One lone angry tear falls down her cheek and she whispers roughly, “Why can’t you see I’m trying to protect you? You accuse of me being stubborn but so are you. Just look at our past, Riaan. Every time we’ve ended up together, we’ve only left devastation in our wake. And I won’t let it happen this time, not when it’s not only our lives at stake.”

“Whose lives are you trying to protect, Nyra?” She goes still when I catch her obvious slipup, and I harden my expression before she can lie or deny it. “Who is trying to hurt you?”

“No—No one is hurting me,” she stammers.

“That’s not what you said in your sleep.”

Her face pales and her nails bite into her thighs yet she refuses to share. “I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”

I stay quiet and calm when she looks away, ignoring me completely. Letting her believe the conversation has ended, I drive until we end up on a deserted road, her college not much farther.

Inching to my left, I pull my car to a stop and she sits up straighter while her head twists toward me, confused and questioning.

Whipping my seat belt open, I twist and lean toward her. Resting my left arm on the back of her seat, I grip her chin with the other and warn her, “Don’t you dare shut me out, Nyra. I won’t allow it anymore.”

“If I didn’t tell you my secrets then, what makes you think I’ll share them now?” She taunts.

“The fact that I got you to admit you have them is more than enough proof that I can. Until now, you were denying it.” I smirk devilishly, which must have struck a chord because she looks spooked. “Your walls are cracking, baby, and it’s only been a day.”

“I’ll never let that happen.”

I watch the hollow of her throat as she swallows and I inch my fingers lower until they are wrapped around her delicate neck. Her top is the only thing between her skin and the imprint of my fingers as I grip her hard.

“Who haunts you in your dreams, Nyra?” I prod again, my voice unflinching.

I didn’t push her to talk this morning because I saw the urgency and the cold fear in her eyes. She was too shaken up, sweating profusely, and looking so small that it would have done us no good. But I also won’t coddle her while she lets that torment fester inside her.

Sometimes, our own mind can be our worst enemy.

She doesn’t see it. But eventually, she’ll be too weak to hold herself together anymore. How her parents didn’t see it and do anything is beyond me.

Although her eyes remain jaded, she leans into my touch without even realizing it. She may be submitting her body to me, but her mind—her mind is shut tighter than a vault.

Her fight and her sass are just more layers to her thick armor. A distraction so nobody sees what lies beneath. That there’s a scared little girl hiding, who’s haunted and imprisoned by her own head.

So, if I have to push and shove until she flushes that poison out, I’ll do it.

“You can force your way into my life, Riaan, and say all the right things, but you’re forgetting one thing.” Her voice sounds hollow and devoid of hope as she speaks. “You can’t control the demons residing inside me. You’re chasing the shadow of a girl you fell in love with but I’m not her anymore. I’m tainted and broken. And even if I wanted to undo the sins I’ve committed, I can’t. So, just let me be and walk away.”

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