Page 84 of She will Always be Mine

Doesn’t she realize we’re both sinners?It’s what makes us who we are and I won’t have her any other way. No sin is powerful enough to make me stay away from her.

“Don’t.” I squeeze her neck lightly.

“What?” She frowns.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Nyra.”

“Oh yeah? And what is that?”

“You’re trying to hurt me, or anger me so I’ll push you away.”

“What if I am?” Her voice hoarse and low under my hold.

“It won’t work.”

“How can you know? I see the pain in your eyes too, Riaan. You haven’t forgiven me for walking away from us. If I told you the secrets you’re so desperate to uncover, pain won’t be the only emotion you’ll feel. The line between love and hate you said you were standing on... it may just become true.”

“Then I guess you’re not the only masochist, baby,” I whisper against her lips. Love like ours is built on pain and immoral desires. It’s what we thrive on.

Guilt flashes in her unblinking gaze and when her eyelids fall close, I let her go and sit back in my seat. I run my fingers through my hair roughly as I remember the nights I spent lying awake at night, especially the first few days after Nyra had left.

One of my worst fear was someone taking her away from me and when that turned into a reality, it was fucking hard. It’s plain torture to be physically away from her.

It’s why I want her so fucking close to me at all times. It’s just as much for her as it is for me. If she didn’t have to go to college, I wouldn’t have let her leave the apartment.

Maybe if I confess to having my own my demons, she’ll eventually trust me with hers.

Our quiet breaths fill the space before I speak, my voice soft, “I always thought that loving someone was the hardest thing to do but I was wrong. It’s the distance when all you want is to be close, to be together. It’s the nights you have to spend alone, wishing they were in your arms. It’s the constant fear of someone ripping them away from you. And I lived through it all when I almost lost you. It was the hope that you’ll return soon that kept me alive. So, never again am I going to allow you to be taken from me, Nyra. When I say no more space, I fucking mean it.”

I feel her attention on me but I don’t meet her eyes yet, afraid of what I’ll find. I simply bare every emotion that she makes me feel. “I don’t want to spend a second of my life without you by my side. Even when we are bones and ashes, I’ll be by your side. Wherever you go, I go. You want to fight me? Fine, fight me, hurt me, push me away, be mad at me as much as you want. But you will never ever leave me again.”

“Riaan.” When she calls my name brokenly, I can’t help but face her. Cupping her cheek, I rub the tears away.

“I didn’t spend my entire life making you mine, only to lose you in the end. You control my blood, Nyra. If you’re not with me, I’ll bleed out.”

For a lingering second, I get a glimpse of the girl that promised to fight for us but just as soon as I see it, it disappears.

Nevertheless, it’s enough for me. As long as she’s still somewhere inside her, I’ll bring her back.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

NYRA

My heart has never felt so heavy, so shattered, and yet it keeps beating.

Every time I fear it will crash from all the ache, the sadness and the darkness that never fades or lessens, it only beats harder.

How can it remain so strong yet crumble at the same time? It’s a puzzle to me. It takes and consumes but always holds on. The brain is supposed to feel our emotions, the struggles, yet it’s our heart that feels it all.

In this moment, I feel mine melt into a puddle as Riaan’s confession runs repeatedly in my head. His words are dark and hauntingly beautiful. I felt them right down to my marrow, because they mirrored my own feelings.

Maybe it’s the reason why our love is so strong, because it runs in our veins. Connects and binds us in a way there’s no purging it out.

Despite everything I’ve been through, my love for him hasn’t wavered.

Loving someone yet knowing you can never be together, it’s a dangerous kind of love.Heartbreaking and all-consuming.

My eyes keep sneaking a peek at him while he stares ahead. His profile is just as perfect as the rest of him.

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