Page 59 of She will Always be Mine

A part of me wants to tell him that it’s his own blood, his own brother—Zain—remorselessly ruining me, breaking me so he no longer wants me.

The words are almost on the tip of my tongue but the fear he might not believe me holds me back. Besides, I have no proof except my intuition and the obvious signs indicating it’s Zain.

And even if he does believe me, he’ll go ballistic and do something he’ll regret. I cannot have that on my conscience. Moreover, if anyone deserves to punish him for his crimes, it’s going to be me. No one else.

“Why won’t you fucking let me in?” he grunts in frustration when I don’t answer his question. “What are you so afraid of, Nyra?”

“I’m only trying to protect you.”

“And who’s going to protect you?” I hear him curse. “Who’s going to take care of you? I hate that I can’t make sure you’re safe, hold you, or be there for you when you need me. It’s killing me to hear you sound so broken and alone. My heart knows you’re not okay, my sweet girl. I feel it every second of the day.”

My own heart cracks wide open at hearing his raw confession. Every word is laced with pain, aggression, and longing.

There’s nothing I can say that would make our situation any better. I also can’t deny it because he’s so fucking right. The fact that I called him in the middle of the night is proof of that.

“Riaan,” I murmur when the silence becomes too heavy.

“Just tell me what you need, Nyra.” He sighs.

To shut down the voices inside my head.

Until all I feel is him.

“Make me forget,” I softly demand, running my fingers over his shirt that I’m wearing. The only thing that makes me feel closer to him. “Teach me one of your lessons. For betraying you, for walking away from you. For walking away from us.”

“Nyra,” he warns, his control unwavering.

“Please. I want to feel your pain,” I push, unrelenting. It’s the only way to lessen the guilt and the shame I feel in my core. And I know, deep down, he wants to. I just have to call out to the darkness in him that’s craving to make me feel the burn. “Make me hurt, Riaan.”

His breathing turns heavy but he still resists and questions, “Tell me why.”

“I told you.”

“You’re lying again, my little liar,” he growls. “You want me to punish you but the reason is something else. It’s about you and not me. You’re seeking atonement for something, aren’t you?”

I should’ve known he’d see right through me. Because until tonight, I have never begged for his lessons, or his punishments.

“Yes.” I tell him the truth. Otherwise, he wouldn’t give me what I want. What I deserve. So, I plead with him brokenly. “Please punish me. I-I need it, Riaan. Please.”

After a beat, I hear him shift and hear his breathing even out.

“Take off my shirt but keep your panties on,” he orders, and electricity runs down my spine. “You’re wearing my shirt, aren’t you, Nyra?”

“How did you know?” I can’t help but ask as I slowly unbutton his dress shirt and pull it off my shoulders while arching my back.

“I know you better than you know yourself,” he softly replies before hardening his voice. “And unless I give you permission, you don’t ask any questions. You only do as I say. Understood?”

“Yes, Riaan.” His authoritative tone leaves my pussy wet and throbbing.

“Put me on speaker. I want both your hands free and only touching where I tell you to.”

I follow his command and keep the phone beside my head so I can hear him and then ask, “Can I touch myself?”

“Tsk. Tsk. I told you no questions, Nyra. I’ll stop if you disobey me again.”

“Please don’t,” I reply in a hurry. “I’m sorry.”

“Put your fingers inside your mouth and make them wet,” he orders seductively. “I want to hear the sounds. Use your tongue and spit until they are glistening.”

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