Page 138 of She will Always be Mine

“Of course, sweetie.”

After saying goodbye one last time at the front door, Riaan and I finally drive away in his car. During the whole ride back to our apartment, he’s quiet and focused on the road.

There’s no telling what’s going on in his head.

Afraid of his reaction and dreading the long awaited talk, I dare not say a word and stare out the window. Too soon, we reach home and take the elevator. Every step feels heavy and tense, but I don’t say a word.

He enters first and I follow, his intensity and dark mood a living, breathing thing in the room. My stomach drops when he carelessly throws the keys on the table.

It alarms me because it’s the exact opposite of his nature. I freeze when he slowly faces me.

“Sit and start talking, Nyra,” he says, nodding at the couch. “From the beginning.”

He remains standing and looming over me like my dark protector. His face is locked in an expression so calm and impassive that he might as well be a stone. Unable to handle his attention, I stare down at my hands before speaking.

“The week before the night I broke up with you, I received a text from a private unknown number. It had a photo—an intimate photo—of us from our first date. The person claims to know my secret. My mind went black from cold fear because the only thing I was scared of happened. Somehow, I stayed strong and chose to ignore it but then the texts became frequent, ugly, and threatening. I struggled with wanting to tell you about them but he said that he will release the picture to ruin your career and reputation unless…”

“You ended it with me,” Riaan finishes in a flat tone.

I don’t need to look up to feel his rage. Instead, I’m taken back to that week and I continue in a trembling voice, “I was already raw and vulnerable from the constant taunting and the awful names that I panicked. It was like someone found my deepest fears and toyed with them. I… I just couldn’t let them hurt you, so I pushed you away. I was naive to believe that I could it solve everything but it only went downhill from there.”

“How?” he asks coldly. I close my eyes as if it’ll wipe away the memories. I want to run and hide but Riaan continues to press me for answers, “What did he do next?”

“A week later, he began blackmailing me again with more dubious pictures of us. I begged him to leave me alone. I already did what he asked, but he wouldn’t stop. I let him trap me with no way out, so I did what I had to do to protect you and my family.” My voice is almost a whisper. Shame and disgust settles underneath my skin. I’ve tried so hard to purge it, but it never fully goes away. Meeting his livid gaze, I confess my darkest mistake in a hollow voice, “He wanted to see me, all of me, in exchange for his silence. I sent him photos o-of my b-body. I’m sorry.”

I’m taken aback when he doesn’t visibly react.

No flinch. No anger.No shock.

“You already know.” I gasp, realization hitting me like a brick. Guilt finally flickers in his eyes but he says nothing. “Oh my God! How long, Riaan?”

“I saw them on your phone two weeks ago.”

“You went through my phone?” I shout angrily. “I know you were planning on hacking it but to think you actually went through with it... You had no right to invade my privacy, Riaan.”

“How many?” My accusation has no impact on him. They don’t even penetrate his thick skull as he demands in a low voice, “How many times did you let him violate your body that way, Nyra?”

He shouts when I stay silent, “Answer. Me.”

“Every night for two weeks.”

Before I can even comprehend what I had just confessed, his body twists and he punches the wall nearby. Seeing this terrifyingly violent side of him makes me jump. Turning to me, he growls, “All because of two stupid photos. How long were you planning on sending them, huh? Were you going to wait until whoever it is suddenly grew a conscience and let you go? Don’t you know that playing with monsters only makes them more powerful?”

I flinch while a vein throbs in his temple and his mouth sets in a thin line. I don’t even correct him that it wasn’t just two stupid pictures. His accusation makes me feel like it’s my fault everything escalated this far. I knew he wouldn’t understand. The fight leaves my body and I feel exhausted. Depleted.

“I thought I was protecting you,” I say brokenly.

“You should’ve told me, Nyra,” he yells, “You should’ve fucking come to me.”

“You don’t understand, do you? I know I shouldn’t have given in to his demands and let him control me for months because there’s never an end to the vicious cycle,” I counter before covering the distance between us and stabbing my finger in his chest. “But when you’re lonely, sad, and living in constant fear with no one to talk to, you break. When you’re weak, you give in. When your mother treats you like a sick freak and you’re lying to your father, you fall. When it’s the only way to protect the man you love whom you may never see again, you sell yoursoul.”

“It wasn’t your soul to sell, baby.” Pushing my back against the wall with a possessive grip on my throat, he whispers through clenched teeth, “It belonged to me. I don’t give a fuck about my reputation or my life if you’re not in it. I can build it again but there’s only one of you. I would rather ruin my name a thousand times than lose you.”

“Then you know exactly how I felt in that moment, Riaan,” I whisper fiercely. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’m the reason you lose everything. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I didn’t at least try to save you.”

“Then stop risking your life. Stop letting your fears win,” he growls, shaking me slightly. “Because the only thing I’m afraid of losing is you. You’re my everything.”

I shatter upon hearing the rawness and ferocity in his claim.

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