Page 64 of He's the One

“Not once I realised what I was interested in, no.”

“So you went out with guys? Had a lot of boyfriends?” Theo couldn’t look at him when he asked that.

“Not a lot.”

“But you know more than me. I watched a lot of gay porn and read gay romances online.”

“You are aware that real life isn’t like gay porn. Well, not for most people.”

Theo stopped walking. “You mean there’s no spitting and slapping? No men who can unhinge their jaw like a snake to get an entire cock in their mouth at one go?” Theo mock gasped. “Do porn stars ever get pubic hair stuck in their mouth? Or not like the taste of something? They have to, right?”

Col laughed. “You’ve thought way too much about this.”

“I know I shouldn’t be using gay porn as aHow tobook but how else was I supposed to find out what went on? Gay romance books aren’t true to life either, though at least there’s oceans of lube, assuming it’s not a fantasy book with self-lubricating… Then I read that if you’re used to gay sex, lube isn’t that essential. Precome works instead. And very few books talk about the messy part of what happens. Plus, they all have a happy ever after.”

Theo fidgeted. “It was safer to pretend I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to find someone. I know how pathetic that makes me sound. I’m not asexual. I like…doing…you know what. I like the idea of someone doing…you know what. I’m an expert in regularly deleting cookies aboutyou know what.”

“What’syou know what?”

Theo glared.

“You do realise that everything you say is making me want you even more?”

Theo gulped—audibly. “Even though I can’t unhinge my jaw?”

“Ah. That is disappointing.”

“I could try.”

“Theo! Stop worrying.”

“It’s my default. I have so much to worry about. Even holding hands.”

“If you’re seen holding my hand, is that going to make life difficult for you?”

“My life is already difficult. Somoredifficult? Who knows? Maybe it’s exactly what I need, to be brave holding your hand in public. My mother is bloody determined to marry me off to Charlotte Roeburn, the Earl of Ashdown’s eldest daughter. The family were at the auction, sitting next to my parents.”

Theo kicked at a stone on the path. He wondered if Col would let go of his hand when he heard that, but he didn’t.

“Charlotte suggested we play along and pretend to like one another to give ourselves more time. I should have asked her,time to do what? Talk our parents round? Not going to happen with mine. Then she said maybe we could marry and have kids by IVF but live our own lives under the same roof. That sounded so much like my mother that I told myself not to trust her.”

“Would you want to do that? Live a double life. Pretend?”

“No,” Theo said firmly. “Though I think that’s what people with titles do. They pretend. I know of only one titled guy who’s come out in the last couple of decades. He was married to a woman for nearly twenty years. They had two children. He had relationships with men and his wife tolerated it for all that time. Finally, they split up and he’s married to a guy now, and says he’s bi, not gay, though I wonder if that’s a cop out for his wife’s sake, especially if all his affairs were with men. The law of averages says he can’t be the only gay or bi person with a title.”

“He’s not. You’re gay too.”

“But not quite out.”

“What happens if there’s no heir from you?”

“I’d gift the place to the National Trust. As long as I’d done my best for Asquith, that’s all I care about, not passing it on to someone with the same name.”

“Which is why you don’t walk away.” Col stopped walking and Theo pulled up at his side.

“I don’t want to feel a duty to the place, but I do. It’s crazy because it makes my life so complicated and difficult.”

“You were born into it, brought up with that as part of your life. It’s not a surprise you feel the way you do. Asquith is amazing andI’ve not even been inside yet.”

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