Page 129 of He's the One

“I know you offered Col money.”

“He said no and went up in my estimation, but whether he can cope with the rest, I’m not sure.”

Theo groaned. “Who would ever be prepared to do that? Watch the person you love get married and have kids and not be…with…”

Even as the words came from his mouth, Theo’s heart lurched.Oh fuck.That couldn’t be true. It was too crazy, too big a jump.I’d have known. I’d have seen. My father isn’t gay. Fuck! Is he?Theo had a name in his head but no way should he let it come out of his mouth. He tried to swallow it down but it kept pushing up.

James.

His father stared at him.He’s waiting for me to say it.Theo thought back to the occasions when he’d seen his father coming back into the hall late at night through the side entrance. How his father liked to wander around the grounds when it was dark and Theo had thought, like him, it was because he enjoyed Asquith more with no people there. Although he’d also wondered how many hours you could spend doing that. How much time he spent away from Asquith, supposedly on business, but…

Theo remembered the times that James hadn’t let him into the lodge and told him to come back later. That one occasion when he’d hurt himself and James had come out and closed the door, then driven him back to the hall.My father was in James’s bed. Oh my God.

James said his partner had died thirty years ago just before he’d come to Asquith. Thirty years had passed since Theo’s grandfather, the former Marquess of Farnstall, had died and his son had taken on the role.Bloody hell.James hadn’t been able to come and live here until the marquess was dead. The clues were there and Theo had missed them.

He took a deep breath, then exhaled shakily. His father still didn’t say anything.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know or even guess,” Theo whispered.

“That was the rule I followed, the rule you need to follow too. Your private life is exactly that. Private.”

“You could have told me.”

“Could I? The moment was never right. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Does anyone know?”

“Your mother and your grandmother. A few of my very close friends.”

“Mother and grandmother hate you for something you can’t help.”

His father shrugged. “They knew the situation before we married.”

“Why did she marry you?”

“I was a catch, even if I was gay. My brother was dead. No children from him but I wanted children and so did your mother, and her mother was extremely ambitious.”

Don’t ask how they managed to have three children.

“It’s sad,” Theo said. “And it’s wrong. Just because you weren’t brave enough to stand up and be honest about what you were, doesn’t mean I have to do the same. I’m not like you. I won’t let myself be unhappy if there’s another way. I always thought you and mother were unhappy because of losing Felicity and then Piers, and because I wasn’t good enough compared to them. Compared to Piers in particular, but it’s more than that. You saw what I was and that made it worse. History repeating itself.”

“Asquith has been our family home for hundreds of years.”

“You put duty and responsibility above love.”

“I still have love.”

“But not honesty. You’re not happy. Nor is James. Nor is my mother or my grandmother.” Though Theo doubted much could make his grandmother happy. He couldn’t remember when he’d last seen her smile. “There’s an easy way to remedy that and you haven’t taken it.”

“It’s not easy.”

“No, sorry. You’re right. It’s not easy, I do understand that, but it’s not impossible.”

His father’s mouth twitched in a smile. “What would you do if you were me?”

“Divorce my mother. Have James move in with you. Find my mother and grandmother a place to live. Come out as gay. Marry James. Throw a fairy-themed ball this Christmas. Maybe not in that order.” Theo grinned. “Thought I’d chance my luck on the last.”

Theo felt as if he’d suddenly found his father. He kept wanting to pinch himself to check he wasn’t dreaming. He and his father were walking down to the folly together and…my father is gay!Theo was pissed off he hadn’t known. Pissed off that they could have talked when Theo was confused and that chance had slipped away. He wouldn’t have betrayed his father’s confidence. He felt hurt but recognised there was no point dwelling on the past. All that mattered was what happened next.

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