Page 130 of He's the One

His father greeted every member of staff they passed, along with wishing visitors agood morning.As they approached the hidden garden, it sank in that nothing was going to change. Him telling his father what he’d do would make no difference. As if he’d listen to anything Theo said.

“Why did you knock the folly down?” Theo asked.

“I didn’t.”

“But you know who did.”

“A member of staff who no longer works here acting on a request from your mother that he should have run past me first. The rabbit was a casualty of me sacking him.”

“Why did she do that? Because it was Felicity’s favourite place? Her ashes are in here. Did she not want anyone to disturb them?”

“Felicity did love it, so did you and Piers. It had nothing to do with Felicity’s ashes. The garden was a place that belonged to me and James. Piers… Piers saw us in here. He told your mother.” He sighed. “Of course, she knew about us but her rule was that our children shouldn’t. Shortly after that Piers walked out of university and we never saw him again.”

“Oh God.” Theo wanted to give his father a hug but he wasn’t sure he’d accept one. But he took his father’s hand and pulled him to a halt. “You don’t know that the two things are connected.”

“Difficult to think they’re not.”

“Doesn’t have to be because of you. Maybe Piers was angry with Mother because she’d entered into this arrangement in the first place.” It was clutching at straws but Theo was upset his father was blaming himself. “For all you know Piers had a breakdown because of his upcoming finals and was too ashamed to tell you. Maybe he met a girl from Brazil who convinced him to make a life for himself outside the UK. Maybe—”

His father let go of his hand and put his fingers over Theo’s mouth. “Enough maybes. I’ve been through them all. Whatever the reason for him going, the only thing that matters is we’ve never been able to track him down. Guilt will weigh on me forever. Guilt for letting James and me be seen. Guilt for letting the three of you play on that beach unsupervised. Guilt for not getting there in time. Guilt for asking you to do the same as I’ve done for the last thirty years and expecting you to acquiesce. I’m proud that you haven’t.”

“I thought you wanted me to marry Charlotte.”

“How could I want that for you? It wouldn’t have happened, Theo. You’re only twenty-one. There was plenty of time to make things right, for me to talk your mother round.”

Theo sagged. “I was the one who started to dig the tunnel.”

“You were seven years old. Children dig in the sand.”

“If I’d run faster.”

“If I had too.”

Theo was crying now.

“Piers had to live with his sister’s death and I knew he was more disturbed than he’d led us to believe. But we can’t change history.”

“But we can stop it repeating itself.”

“You’re right. You’re a better man than me.” He pulled Theo into his arms and for the first time in maybe his entire life, Theo understood the burden his father carried.

“You know,” his father said. “I’ve gone far enough. I have things to think about.”

“The fairy ball?”

“Don’t push your luck.” His father chuckled and wandered away.

Theo smiled and carried on around the wall until he reached the folly.

“I’m here. Where are you?” he called.

“Inside the garden.”

“Shall I crawl through?”

“If you like.”

Theo scurried through the tunnel and emerged to see Col up a ladder removing the ivy from a window.

---