I set the meal out and then went to get Porter to join us, letting him know he needed to behave. Everyone had gathered around the table already when Porter took his seat, eyes downcast.
I decided it was progress that he was here and eating with us even if he was giving us all the silent treatment and evil stares. We carried on with our meal, sharing stories and laughter.
Before long, Porter had cleaned his plate and stood up abruptly. "I'm done.” He left the table without another word and retreated to the sanctuary of his bedroom. I probably should have made him clear his plate, but I didn’t want to argue with him while company was here.
Laina finished her meal and asked to be excused. She left the table and found a spot on the couch where she did something on her phone.
With the kids gone, the atmosphere shifted as the adults were left alone at the table.
"Guys, I don't know what to do," I confessed, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I want to be there for him, but it's like he's constantly testing me."
Reed leaned back in his chair, swirling the wine in his glass thoughtfully. "Analyn and I haven't faced anything like this yet, but I can only imagine how tough it must be."
“He needs boundaries and structure, consistency and love,” Analyn said. “Maybe he hasn’t had that. It’s up to you to give him that stability he's been missing."
I took a deep breath and looked down at my plate, the weight of responsibility settling on my shoulders once again. I knew they were right, but it didn't make the task any less daunting. How could I be the father Porter needed when I barely knew him?
"Analyn is right, Pierce," Ruby chimed in. “Porter must feel unwanted by his mother, and now he's trying to navigate this new relationship with you, a father he never knew existed."
I bristled at the mention of Jeannie, my hands clenched under the table as I tried to keep my defensiveness in check. "I didn't know about him either, Ruby. If I had, I would've been there for him from the start."
"Of course you would have, Pierce," Ruby reassured me. "I wasn’t saying that you’d abandoned him. I’m only saying that you need to see it from Porter's perspective. Kids often think things are about them, even when they're not."
"Take it one day at a time," Analyn said. "No one expects you to be perfect, Pierce. You're going to make mistakes, but that's okay. As long as you're doing your best and giving Porter the love and support he needs, you'll both come out stronger for it."
Her words resonated deep within me, stirring a newfound determination to become the father I knew I could be... or at least hoped I could be.
"Maybe take some extra time with him," Bo suggested, taking a sip of his wine. "With Christmas coming up, it could be a great opportunity for you two to bond."
I considered Bo's words. The idea of spending the holiday season with my son was both thrilling and terrifying. I’d have a chance to make up for lost time and show Porter that I cared for him deeply. But if I failed...
"Bo's got a point. The boy will be out of school, so you'll have more time together. Maybe even work out a coaching schedule to help bridge that gap.” Reed surprised me with his suggestion to adjust the schedule considering the struggles of the team. Normally, we got three days max at the holidays, not a lot of time to spend with family.
“Or bring him to practice. You can take out a lot of aggression on the ice,” Bo added.
I mulled it over as I imagined Porter and me on the ice together, teaching him everything I knew about the game. "Thanks, guys. You've given me a lot to think about."
“We have every confidence in you, Pierce.” Reed raised his wine glass in a toast. "To new beginnings and the challenges they bring."
When the evening ended and everyone had left, I let Porter continue to stew in his room as I did the dishes and reflected on my next steps with him. It was going to be a bumpy ride for sure. Even so, I knew I needed to devote myself fully to guiding Porter through his anger.
I thought of Bo and Reed and how they’d taken to fatherhood. Of course, their children weren’t sullen. They also had a partner, a woman they loved and who loved them. I would have liked that. It was another reason to end my adolescent craving for Naomi. She wasn’t in a place in her life where motherhood was on her radar. Any woman coming into my life now would need to be a mother to Porter.
Now, all I needed to do was find a way to exorcise Naomi from my mind and learn how to parent Porter.
22
Naomi
My own retching woke me up from an uneasy sleep. My stomach twisted and churned, making me lurch to the side of the bed in search of the trash can. I'd barely managed to pull my hair back before the bile came rushing up.
I groaned, wondering how this could keep happening. The persistent stomach bug had followed me home for Christmas with my family last week, and now back to Las Vegas. I knew it was stress, so it was annoying that a few days of rest hadn’t cured me. At first, it was bearable, but after throwing up nearly every day for a few weeks, it started to take a toll on me.
Still, the best way to deal with stress was to forge forward, so I ignored the lingering nausea and crawled out of bed. Immediately, my stomach revolted. I rushed to the bathroom, and after another vomiting session, I knew I needed to reconsider what was ailing me. Maybe it was time to call a doctor. Maybe I had an ulcer or something.
Before I could even grab my phone, it rang loudly, making me wince. Squinting at the screen, I saw that it was Analyn.
"Hey, Naomi. I hope I’m not calling too early, but we’ve got an emergency. Betts lost her job, and Ruby and I are taking her to lunch to support her. You should come too."