“I’ll get dressed.” My voice is mechanical. I barely recognize myself.
She exits the room, leaving me feeling empty and more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life.
I get out of bed and catch my reflection in the window. The jagged scar running down my face that I try to hide under my beard, the wound on my leg where the bullet entered, leaving a sunken kneecap, and the internal scars, the nightmares and the guilt and the feeling that it was all for nothing.
I’m a monster. Of course Hailey couldn’t love someone like me.
With a heavy heart, I pull on my clothes and grab my keys.
I can’t even look at her as I walk to the door. We don’t say a word as she follows me outside to the pickup truck.
I shared one beautiful weekend with Hailey, but I was an idiot to think she’d stick around forever.
10
HAILEY
The drive down the mountain is excruciating. The cold silence that’s descended between us freezes my heart. And it’s even worse knowing that I’m responsible for putting it there.
It seemed so clear cut when I made the decision to leave. Lying in Kobe’s bed realizing we didn’t use protection, and I could already be pregnant.
It’s exactly what I didn’t want, to be young and knocked up. To be just like all the other girls in my hometown. I want more out of life. I want adventure.
What if Kobe is the adventure?
Now that I’m in his pickup speeding to a place where we’ll have to say goodbye, I wonder if I made the right decision. By the way my heart hurts when I look at him, I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen for this guy.
Kobe’s looking straight ahead at the road, his jaw set in a grim line. He can’t even look at me.
I know it was an abrupt way to end it, but if I stayed any longer, I’d never want to leave. And I’m sure it was only a one night thing for him. I can’t be anything special to a brave, gentle man like Kobe.
But we have a connection.
The way he looked at me made me feel special, but he’s never said anything to make me think it’s more than a hook up.
I need to get to the next town and get the morning after pill and forget all about Kobe.
Tears spring into my eyes, and I look out the window. I can’t let him see me crying. I brought this on myself.
What if I’m wrong?
I’ve said I’m leaving now. I can’t go back, even as I long to throw my arms around him.
We pull up at the bus station, and there still hasn’t been a word said between us.
I should feel happy. I should feel lighter. I should feel excited about moving on to my new adventure. But suddenly I have the feeling that I’ve made a mistake. That I want to go back up the mountain to Kobe’s cabin and never ever leave.
“Kobe…” My voice wobbles, but he doesn’t even look at me.
“That’s your bus.” He indicates a Greyhound that’s just pulled in. “I’ll get your bag.” He pulls open his door, and he’s gone.
His coldness tears at my heart. But what was I expecting?
I climb out of the pickup and take my bag off him.
I can’t look him in the eye. I can’t speak. I think I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, but I don’t know how to rectify it.
Kobe hands over the bag and gets back in his pickup. He doesn’t even say goodbye. Tears sting my eyes, and I put one heavy foot in front of the other and walk away.