Page 21 of Never Give Up

Iknew she was in danger.

Fuck everything.

Because I needed to keep the status quo, I’d almost cost Maya her life.

I should have told her how I feel, but I didn’t—and now it might be too late. There’s so much I should have done, and I have nothing but miserable excuses for why I hadn’t done any of it.

I should have Maya in my arms. Instead, I might lose her before I ever get to taste her lips on mine.

If I were the type of man to cry, I would have as I stood there staring at the ocean. Instead, I draw a deep breath of the salty air and drive home to get the boys ready for school.

In the mudroom I strip off my holster, shoes, and jacket. Just like every other day.

“Damnit,” I whisper as one hand clutches the doorframe.

I don’t expect to tremble, but my fingers are almost white with the strain of keeping myself on both feet.

“Breathe,” I tell myself. “Just breathe.”

Once I do, exhaustion kicks me in the chest and all I want is to crawl in a hole and pass out. But the boys need me, and I need to get to the hospital, so I put a smile on my face. The smile lasts all of ten seconds—until I see Ashley. Ashley, who is still in my house, like my world didn’t almost end with Maya's attack. She grimaces as our gazes meet.

“I thought you had to go to work.” My words are an accusation and I don’t mean them to be.

“I called in because you said you had to work. I thought…” She trails off, bristling at the vibes I give off. “It doesn’t matter.”

The careful wall of emotion I’d wiped from my mind when it came to Ashley vanish in that moment. It isn’t fair. Not at all, not over this. Yet here I am.

I hate her more passionately than anything else in my life, and all she’s done is stay to help.

She’s just… not Maya.

In this moment, in this precious span of a minute, it’s the worst crime that I could ever imagine.

I know I’m wrong. I know there’s not gonna be any fixing what’s broken. So I don’t even try. I don’t say a word to her. I just walk past her and into the boys’ room.

Once I have them both up and getting dressed, I change into a clean pair of sweats and a plain black shirt. As soon as the boys are gone, I’m gonna drive to the hospital.

I can get a few hours of sleep in my truck in the parking lot while I wait to hear—because fuck Jake. If I haven’t heard from him by the time the boys go, that’s my plan. I make my way back into the kitchen. James and Jonathan, complete with rumpled and unruly hair, eat their cereal like the world is normal.

Ashley stands there, not looking at me, and I ignore her. Her bag is on her shoulder and she has that tense expression on her face that tells me she wants to talk about her.

Fuck her, too.

She has to leave for work soon, and I won’t have to deal with her anymore.

How do you tell an innocent person you hate them for something that isn’t their fault? Something you would never wish on anyone ever?

“So did you help Maya?” Jonathan, staring at me over a bowl of cereal, asks innocently.

“We’ll talk about all that later; you boys have to go to school.” My voice is forced, full of pent-up emotions.

“Wait—what happened to Maya? She’s the best in the entire world.” James, his blue eyes shining, looks at me like he’s going to start crying. He expects his father to answer, but no happy stories come that can sugarcoat the horrors of last night, so I look at my feet.

And his shining eyes are my fault, too.

“We’ll talk about it later, I promise. You two get going and I’ll see you after school.”

When the boys leave, Ashley and I stare at each other in the kitchen for a few tense seconds while she taps her foot impatiently.

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