Page 20 of Never Give Up

“He was going to kill her.” Pain lances me. Even though I’m only talking to myself, the realization that I could have lost her forces its way into my mind.

My heart lurches in my chest, and I have to stop walking to put my head between my knees. The panic hits me in the gut and catching a breath seems impossible. Once I am able to do so, the tight feeling in my chest refuses to subside.

It’s all your fault.

“Fuck.” I groan.

The little voice in the back of my head telling me it’s my fault is right. It is. If I’d been there. If I’d protected her. If I told her the truth. None of this would have happened.

As the search continues, turning up absolutely nothing, my rage builds, too. Every minute that passes gives her attacker a chance to escape. Those minutes stretch into hours, and we’re still out searching.

With no vehicle or sign of one, the suspect must have fled on foot. With the state police K-9 unit not picking up a scent, we can’t keep searching forever.

Yeah, I’m furious and frustrated and scared. A powder keg of emotion with nowhere to go.

“Jake, do you copy?” I need an update on Maya’s condition, but I can’t force myself to put that into words.

“Ten-four. Brian, they transported her to the city.” Of course Jake knows exactly what I’m thinking. He’s the one who saw her. He’s the one who was able to be there for her.

“We’re pulling back from here. I’ll meet you back at the residence.”

“Ten-four.”

By the time we get back to Maya’s through the woods surrounding her house, the sun is up and birds are chirping happily all around us.

What I really want is to check on Maya at the hospital, but I can’t. Not when I want to burn the fucking world down around me. She doesn’t need that. She needs… more. So this is the next best thing.

I look at my friend. “What didn’t you say earlier? What happened?”

Jake sucks in a breath. I look at him, my eyes filling with utter and complete despair.

“Look, I know you want to go to her, but you need to breathe. Calm your shit down and go get the boys to school, and then go. I’ll text if there’s any update. Okay?”

I narrow my eyes. “I asked what happened.”

Jake swallows and nods. “He hurt her bad, Brian. He stabbed her with some sort of hunting knife. She lost a lot of blood and they had to rush her into surgery. It’s not looking good.”

My world goes red. Everything fades away. I can’t even speak. I get in the cruiser and drive. There’s no way that I can face my children right now, not until I can look at them without rage on my face.

I need to find a place to calm down. And I need to do exactly what Jake said. I need to get my shit together. My hands tighten to waxy white on the wheel as I head toward the ocean.

When I get to the lookout, I throw my vehicle in park and push myself out, letting the door swing shut behind me.

So much hate and anger throb inside me I barely notice there’s nothing around. It’s silent except for the crash of the waves hitting the shore.

The sun is up, and on any other day I’d find it beautiful, but not today.

I want to scream, to hit something, or shoot someone. Instead, I throw up.

When I’m done, I don’t feel any better, and my world is still tinted with red, the same crimson shade that would have been pouring from her wound.

I care about Maya, and she’s hurt.

Because of me.

Ihad told her to stay home from work.

Ihadn’t driven by her house before I went home when I should have.

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