Page 56 of Never Give Up

I hang my head in my hands and groan.

“I knew it. I knew you’d do it with him at some point. But Maya—”

I cut her off. “It’s no big deal. It really isn’t.”

Just the best sex of my life.

She’s up and out of her chair in the next instant, around the side of the computers with a cup of coffee in one hand and her hip propped on my console.

Poppy’s eyes look like they’re about to bug out of her head, but her voice is even and caring when she reaches out to put her hand over mine. “Maya, I don’t think this is no big deal and neither do you.”

I don’t know what to say. Not in the slightest. Thoughts swirl in my head. Something is happening, something I can’t quite grasp. Like everything is coming to a head, and I need to make a decision right here, in this moment, and there’s nothing I can do to stop the storm from destroying me in its path if I don’t.

“Don’t go there.”

I look at Poppy, blinking through the cloud of confusion that’s taken over. “Where?”

“There.” My friend points her coffee cup at me. “Thinking you’re no longer worthy. You are. And I still say you’re worth more than ten of him. But…”

She doesn’t finish. She doesn’t need to.

“But it doesn’t mean anything,” I say, trying to shift the track of conversation.

“So tell me everything.” She sips her coffee expectantly.

I do. I tell her all of it. From Brian taking me home, to the way I almost hit him with a frying pan when he refused to leave. To the way that he cared and gave me control and the power over the entire night. Even the way he wrapped me in his arms after, kissing me until I fell asleep.

“Yeah.” She rolls her eyes and I can feel the sarcasm coming off her in waves. “Clearly, it doesn’t mean anything. I’d say it meanseverything.” Poppy takes a drink from her oversized mug and waits for my response.

She’s right.

And I’ve been a fool.

Pushing him away, refusing to talk to him.

I didn’t listen.

With a sigh, I say, “We should get to work.” But the phones don’t come to my rescue with an emergency call.

Poppy steps away from my console and gives me a hug. “I just worry about you, and I don’t want you to regret any of the things that happen. Or your decisions.”

“So, seriously. What do you think I should do about all of it? About him?” I ask.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“You know how I feel…” I swallow. “How I feel about him.”

Poppy shakes her head. “No. Not really. After… everything, you said you were over him and now it seems you’re not. Maybe you’ve been lying to yourself this whole time. So, how do you feel about him? Do you want to have a relationship? Or is it the thrill of finally getting the man who rejected you?”

“That’s not a fair question,” I say.

“Oh, it’s extremely fair. You two have no ties outside of this building. You haven’t dated. You haven’t had a chance to find out if you’d even be compatible besides what went on last night. If you do want him, how? What is it about him that you want? Is it the fact that he’s a cop? Or the fact that he’s hotter than sin?” She glances down at her computer and types an update into the CAD system.

“That’s just superficial bullshit.” I follow her lead and enter my own updates, sending instant messages to the deputies on duty to update their status.

“Well, then tell me.” She goes on. “What do you think it is?” And my friend waits for an answer. One that we both know will expose me to my core.

“Honestly, it’s who he is as a person. He respected me, for one.” I glance at the cameras to make sure no one is coming before I continue. “He could have tried to have an affair with me when he was still dating Ashley, and he didn’t. He never crossed a line with me that he couldn’t take back. And you’re wrong, you know. He was the only one I talked to for months about my life. I didn’t even know how to function if I wasn’t arguing with him about one thing or another, and even more than that… before the attack, he made sure that when I was lonely, he and those boys came to check on me. Just as a friend.”

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