Page 46 of Never Give Up

Jake shakes his head. “You’re a moron.” When I don’t say anything, he just stares at me for a minute. “Come on, man, it’s bullshit. You know it. I know it. Eventually, there’s going to be another guy who wants to do the work to break down her walls. One who’s not going to stand aside and let you have a chance with her. Because she’s the kind of woman who knocks a man down to his knees and he’s never the same again when she’s done with him.” Jake looks at me with contemplative eyes, and it dawns on me exactly what he’s doing.

The realization of what my friend is willing to do to help me through my bullshit fears strikes me like a ton of bricks. “You don’t want her, do you?”

Jake doesn’t even have to answer. The expression on his face says everything.

“No, Brian, I don’t. I just want her to be happy,” Jake says. “I want you to be happy. And I’m pretty sure the two of you have the potential to make each other happy. You just need to get out of your own way.” With a sigh, he shakes his head. “Come in before you grow roots in my yard.”

He motions for me to follow him inside.

In the living room, I stop short.

He’s got an entire wall devoted to Maya’s attack.

I whistle low. “Well, I guess I can’t say you’re not doing everything you can to figure shit out.”

I couldn’t devote an entire wall to it if I wanted to. I’ve been put on notice and under strict orders that if I touch the investigation, not only will I be put on administrative leave, but Paul will personally kick my ass.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but we’re not going to be able to find him unless his DNA is in the system or he attacks someone again.” Jake clears his throat. “He was good. Too good.”

We both stare at the wall, and as Jake’s words sink in, everything in my world tips upside down and I have no clue how to fix it.

“He’s not gonna stop,” I mutter. “Either he’s gonna move on to someone else when he figures out that he can’t get to her, or he’s gonna come back to try and finish the job.”

We both know what the likelihood is of a stalker moving on voluntarily, and it’s not good.

Staring at the photos, the sticky notes, the random scrawls of information that Jake’s put together has my blood pounding in my veins. “Who the hell is this?”

“I keep asking the same thing myself,” Jake says.

I swallow hard. “I swore I’d keep her safe, that I’d find a way to protect her. How can I do that if I can’t even admit how I feel to her?”

“She’s going to make a fantastic mother one day. The woman has the patience of a saint. I think it’s time you listen to my amazing advice and make her listen to you.” Jake half laughs.

My heart lurches at the thought of Maya having children. The image of her, long brown hair cascading down her back while her stomach is round with my baby,our baby, settles in the front of my mind and replaces everything else.

But children mean forever and I have firsthand knowledge when forever doesn’t work out. Even if she doesn’t want them—and she does—I know for a fact that the thought of my children losing another mother is theonlyreason I’m still holding back.

Ashley had been one thing.

Maya is in a different world altogether.

A different league.

She’s the only one I can see myself with forever.

And yet…

That bone-deep terror keeping me from her is still alive and well, eating at my soul.

As we sit there in the silence that follows Jake literally handing me my ass when it comes to her, I understand he’s just trying to help.

I still want to murder him for making me think he wanted to ask her out.

“Jake.” Tension rises in my throat, and I struggle to get the words out, to let him in to see the ugly truth inside.

The other man looks at me, the question clear in his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I know I don’t deserve her,” I say. “I never will. I’m struggling here to find the right way to do all this. I need her in a way I’ve never known before. It’s something I didn’t even feel with the boys’ mom, and knowing that makes me feel like I’m betrayinghermemory for the boys.”

---