Page 45 of Never Give Up

Not for his attention.

Not for his love.

Not for anything.

I know that there will always be little things that might bring the pain back to the surface, but I need to keep any of them from getting in.

The bracelet around my wrist, the beacon I have to carry until they catch the man responsible for that pain, is a constant reminder of everything I’ve lost and everything I’m afraid I’ll never have.

I wonder if I’m forever going to be reliant on a thin piece of rubber and metal wrapped around my body like a lifeline.

Just like I wonder if I will ever be able to look at Brian without craving his touch or his lips on mine.

15

BRIAN

Nothing I do isenough to get Maya out of my head.

Secretly, I don’t think I actually want her out of my thoughts. I like her there. In my mind, I can pretend that I didn’t fuck everything up before I got a chance with her.

Instead, I take the time I should be using to figure out how to fix my screwup and I use it to work out and harass Jake into letting me help with the investigation.

“Would you have a problem if I asked Maya out?”

Jake’s question takes me by surprise as he answers the door before I even get a chance to ring the bell or knock.

“What the hell?” I look over my shoulder like an idiot, sure that I missed something or that I hallucinated. I didn’t.

He’s standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me like I’m about to ask his daughter out on a date and he’s the only thing keeping her safe. “I’m serious. Would you have a problem if I asked her out on a date?”

I’ve absolutely entered the twilight zone, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Because in absolutely zero lifetimes would I expect Jake to ask me that or to even want to date her.

“I don’t get it.” I flex my hand, bunching my fingers into a fist at my side. But I don’t raise it. Barely.

Don’t hit your best friend.

Clearing my throat, I shift uncomfortably and ask, “Why would you want to take Maya out on a date? Is this a bad joke or like you pranking me or something?” Meanwhile, I’m trying to keep the sudden urge to murder him and hide the body to myself.

Don’t kill your best friend.

“A joke?” Jake stares at me like I’ve grown a second head, and he’s disappointed in me at the same time for not chopping it off or something. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Being with her isn’t a joke.”

“I didn’t say it was. I saidyoudating Maya would be a bad joke. Did something happen between you?”

The thought of Jake, or anyone else for that matter, winning Maya’s heart is crushing. No, that’s not strong enough. It’s devastating, and from the ache in my chest, I’m pretty sure I’m about to have a heart attack just thinking about it.

“No, you idiot.” He leans against the doorframe and motions at me like I’m the problem. “But I can see it written all over your face. You’re in pain just thinkin’ about me or anyone else being with her. I don’t understand why you haven’t pulled your head out of your ass yet.”

Embarrassment creeps up my chest and into my lungs until I’m fighting not to cough with the weight of it. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lie.

Yeah, he definitely does. And he’s right. Which burns.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ve tried to get through to you. You don’t deserve her if you can’t step up. You crushed her by rejecting her, and then she was attacked and almost died. Now what? You just expect to tell her what she needs?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to do this without destroying her.”

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