Page 34 of Never Give Up

Of course we’re talking about Brian.

Even when I don’t want to think of him, he’s there, surrounding me.

It isn’t fair.

And I don’t mean that in a selfish, petulant way.

I mean it because how am I supposed to move on from his rejection if he’s constantly there, smiling at me and asking me if I’m okay?

“There’s nothing there, Paul.” I try to force the bitter words through my lips. And it hurts. Down deep inside where I can’t get to it. It hurts. “Nothing at all.”

“Maya.”

“You don’t have to worry. He rejected me… before. I got the message.” I can’t even meet his gaze, because we both know I’m a terrible liar, and I am absolutely not telling him the truth, or even what I want the truth to be.

Instead of calling me on the lie, Paul whistles shortly. “If you say so.”

The driveway wraps around the old jail, which has been converted into a library and meeting place. It’s used for teenagers to study after school and for the younger children as a play area so there are always little ones walking through the parking lot.

The building also sits right on the bank of a river that leads to the ocean, just a few miles away. I take all this in, my mind silently counting the seconds that pass.

I shift in my seat. “I know you care, Paul. And I know you’re only trying to help. The fact that he didn’t come see me, regardless of anything you said to him, speaks volumes. It doesn’t matter if you made it seem like you’d fire him for coming to see me. If he cared, he would have at least called or sent a text. I don’t matter to him. It’s time to walk away.”

We sit in the parking spot marked Chief Deputy.

“Good. I knew you’d be smart about this. No one else knows about his reaction to your attack that night besides Jake. They only know what’s in the official report, and that doesn’t have a lot of the details from that night added to it just yet.”

“Thanks, I—”

“Maya.” He turns to face me. “I think you should know you can’t look at the reports or evidence or pretty much anything to do with the case. I can’t have you getting any sort of special treatment because of your position here.”

“I know.”

“Victims aren’t privy to the inner workings of an investigation. I’ll have you informed of the proceedings as I would anyone else. But this is important. If you’re looking at things you shouldn’t, when we catch him, it could give his lawyers a reason to have the case dismissed. So please, just don’t do anything stupid.” He looks at me like he thinks I’ll do exactly that.

“I’m not going to look at anything or ask anyone anything about it. And if it comes down to my job or catching him, I’ll give it up in a heartbeat to keep him off the streets.”

It is the truth. I’ll do anything to get that monster locked up.

Smiling, he says, “I know you would, but we’re going to try to keep that from happening.”

“Okay. I should get in there.” I don’t want to talk about this anymore, and I really do need to get inside and do some work.

“Stay there. I’ll come around.”

When he has gotten me safely onto the ground, I look at the stairs with trepidation. “Umm, Paul?”

There are two flights of stairs that lead from the parking lot to the building that houses the sheriff’s office, and it will take me forever to climb them.

“Yes?” He looks at me quizzically.

“Would you mind carrying me up the stairs? I don’t want to take an hour to get up there. I’m already late as it is.” Other deputies will soon be pulling into the driveway, and my skin heats thinking about them taking pity on me.

“Oh, of course, come here.” He swings me into his arms and takes the stairs quickly, so that we are at the top before any of the deputies arrive. Setting me down, he says, “Here you go, your majesty.”

I swat his arm playfully. “Thanks, Paul, it means a lot.”

“I know, now get to work. Save some lives. Try not to send my guys on anything crazy.” And he goes back down the stairs. I turn and go into the building, ready to get back to work.

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