Page 234 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

Local Park, Upper East Side, New York

I walk away.

I don’t look back. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t. I’m a mobster. I fear nothing.

Apart from the depth of love I have for her.

I already miss her. Want her. Need her. Crave her.

My drug. My addiction. My equal.

My person.

She’s infected my blood. Jaine Jones is my kryptonite—the thing I want most and the only one that could ever destroy me.

“She won’t be able to choose. I’m worried you’ll destroy what’s left of her if you try to make her.”

My strides are long as I cross the park. My chest feels constricted, each step I take away from her causing it to tighten further.

Heartache.

I need to put as much distance between us as possible before I regret my decision and turn back.

I made the choice for all of our sakes. I will not destroy her. I will not destroy him. They have suffered enough at my hands.

I’m far from being a martyr. I’m merely accepting my well-deserved penance for the part I played in the pain I caused when I stole something that was never truly mine.

I was never destined to love you, Eoin. You made me love you.

Padraig didn’t have to force her feelings. Loving him was as natural to her as breathing because they were meant.

I was nothing more than the villain who hijacked their fairytale. A villain who then selfishly and continually thwarted their happily-ever-after ending.

No more.

Prince Charming will have the Disney Princess he has loved since once upon a time. She’s not mine. She was never mine. She will never be mine.

I’m not sure I will ever love anyone as much as I love her, but it wasn’t my love she wanted or needed all this time.

It was his.

Did she see through my deceit? Does she realize it was guilt over the part I played in their past that saw me walk away? That I now need to self-flagellate in private?

That I need to get away. Away from her. Away from him. Away from everything I’ve ever known.

Is that the reason she let me go so easily?

Or was her choice already made? That her forced affection for me paled when compared to the depth of feeling she held for my youngest brother?

I try to compose myself before answering my phone. For the second time since I was a little boy my cheeks are wet.

“Dylan.”

“Eoin, where are you? Da’s been trying to get hold of you.”

“I’ve just been to see Jaine.” I make my way out of the park toward the parked-up SUV.

“Why?” He sounds confused.

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