Page 197 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

I gaze out of Fin’s bedroom window. Jaine’s family home is everything mine isn’t.

Peaceful. Tranquil. Secluded.

You can actually hear yourself think because there’s no one around for miles. You’re surrounded by nothing but open space and fields of wildflowers and poppies. The same poppies that make up the tattoo on her wrist representative of Ace and Rising, contrasted by the circle of four-leaf clovers for me and New York.

Jaine is actually three-sided, not just two like the rest of us.

The images of the young, carefree girl I saw today are reminiscent of the girl I fell in love with at Yale. The Rising girl is different from the strong businesswoman who dominates the legal profession in New York. And then there’s The Exterminator.

I take in the small garden and the sparkling water in the swimming pool. She obviously has the property regularly maintained, as it’s immaculate. Even though the inside is modern, some of the furniture is ancient. Those will be the sentimental pieces that are held together by memories. Items she’ll never be able to bring herself to part with.

And so many photographs.

I’m not sure if Eoin noticed, but I did. The gap in the images of her and Ace. When she went on the run for ten years because she thought he didn’t love her. Back when she became my life raft. My sounding board. My confidant.

And I became hers.

I’m not sure why she thought her love for Ace was unrequited. His face is filled with complete adoration for her in every image they’re in together, right from when they were in single figures.

He loved her. It shone from him. Not that I’d say that to her now. She’s filled with enough regrets as it is.

Over him. Over me. Over Eoin.

She would have traveled between here and New York if Ace were still alive. I’m not sure why she doesn’t still consider that. If she and I were together, I would encourage it. I’m a city boy, I always will be. But I’d love to call both places home. Rising is the perfect location to raise a young family.

Would she want that with me? A family? More children?

I leave Fin’s room with a smile on my face, a box full of memories in my hands, and for the first in a long-time, actual hope in my heart. It’s then I see the other ajar door.

I walk toward it, pausing when I hear Eoin speak.

“You can still have that little girl, Jaine.”

“I’d like that.”

I step back from the door, suddenly feeling like I’m intruding. I guess Jaine doesn’t want a family with me after all. It’s Eoin she wants one with.

It was just more foolish hope on my part.

The Angels of Hellfire Clubhouse, Rising, California

Jaine rode shotgun as Eoin drove us to Rising.

They didn’t hold hands, but I’m sure the conversation that had taken place back at the house had them itching to be tactile with one other. They couldn’t because I was playing third wheel.

She wants to have a child with Eoin. She said as much. A daughter. What happens if they have a son? Will they keep trying?

I’m not sure how I feel. I’ve become accepting of their love, but talk of them having a family. Does that mean she’d choose him over me?

I know I shouldn’t have listened in. You never hear anything good when you eavesdrop, every fool knows that. I should have pushed the door open when I heard him speaking because it wasn’t so much what Eoin said that was the problem. It was what Jaine responded with.

I’d like that.

I look out the window. It’s a picture postcard pretty little town. The main street comprises a row of shops, local businesses, and a post office. There are, of course, the essential buildings every place needs, no matter the size. A police station, a church, and a school. Jaine points out the medical center where Duke, Ace, and JJ were all born and where Ace sadly passed away.

Aside from houses, there’s not much of anything apart from bikers. There are plenty of them around. The main group congregated outside the cigar shop, each sitting astride a gleaming hog.

I immediately recognize the Angels of Hellfire patch on their cuts. It’s the same one Jaine’s worn on her jacket since she was nineteen.

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