Page 21 of Forever Mine

I sputter, unable to hold back, “Uh, yes you did, which is why even though I am on the pill, you still insisted on wearing a condom… because you didn’t want kids.”

He shakes his head again. “I never said I didn’t want kids… I needed to be sure, that’s all.”

My mouth drops, and I tighten the towel around me. “You needed to be sure? What does that even mean? You didn’t know if you wanted to have kids with me? Is that it?”

He walks back into the bathroom but raises his voice so I can hear him as he leaves the room. “Of course not, Nat. You’re the only one I’d want to have kids with.”

I walk into the closet and grab a pair of leggings and a shirt. Stalking back into the bedroom, I’m trying not to fume as I pull my drawer open to dig out my underwear and bra. I get dressed in jerky movements, and the more I think about it, the more pissed I get.

He finally comes into the bedroom, and the satisfied, relaxed smile on his face has me about to come unglued. As soon as he looks me in the face, his smile drops. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

I have the towel in my hands, and unable to stand still, I use it to dry my wet hair. “What’s wrong? Oh, I don’t know. I just found out that my husband uses a condom when we have sex because he isn’t ‘sure’ about me.” I hold my fingers up in air quotes as I saysurewith a snarky tone.Not sure? What the hell does that even mean?

He comes over and wraps his hands around my wrist. “I didn’t say I wasn’t sure about you… I said I wasn’t sure. I know I haven’t been right with you, Nat. I’ve already said that. But I also told you that I’m going to do better.”

I’m doing my best not to cry. I don’t know why it upsets me so much, but it does. “If we’re going to get through this, we have to come clean. You can’t drop a bomb on me like this and then not tell me what it means.”

He opens his mouth and then closes it again. Never in all the time I’ve known him have I ever seen him completely speechless. He looks at me, unsure. As if what he’s about to say is going to cause me to run or something. Oh dear God, what is it?

I shouldn’t feel any sympathy for him, not with how upset I am, but I can’t help but feel sympathetic to the vulnerability in his face. “Beau, talk to me.”

He loosens his hold on my wrists and turns away from me. My heart drops in my chest, and it feels as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I expect him to walk away. That’s what he’s done in the past when I’ve confronted him about things, but he surprises me when he moves to the side of the bed and sits down.

The muscles in his chest and arms flex as he takes a deep breath and lets it out. When he finally raises his eyes and looks at me, I see the conflict in them. He pats the bed beside him. “Come here and sit down.”

I put one foot out and then stop. I don’t know why, but I’m scared. I’ve always felt that Beau has held back with me, and I’ve often wondered if there are things I don’t know about him. Could finding out what it is make me feel different about him? But just as soon as that thought surfaces, I push it down. I force my feet to carry me across the room and sit down next to him.

He turns his body to the side, drawing one leg up on the bed so he can face me. I do the same, and once settled, he just stares at me. I can tell he’s trying to form the words, and I sit here patiently, half scared and half relieved that maybe, just maybe I’m going to have more insight into our relationship.

He reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh. His fingers dig into my skin, but I don’t dare move. “You’re not going to like this, Natalie.”

My stomach drops, and everything imaginable starts to form in my mind, but before I can put voice to any of the thoughts, he’s rushing on. “When I met you, I knew that I needed you in my life. You were so much younger than me, so much more than I deserved, and we were probably doomed from the start, but I knew I had to have you. Everything happened so fast, but I didn’t care. I had to have my ring on your finger.”

He reaches over and rubs his finger along the band of my ring. I take in a deep breath and let it out roughly. “Okay, well, it doesn’t sound bad so far. But I mean, yeah, I’m younger than you, but I’m not more than you deserve, Beau. You’re a good man—”

He cuts me off with a shake of his head. “Give it up, Nat. There’s nothing you or anyone can say that will convince me you can’t do better than me. I know you can, but even knowing that, I can’t let you go.”

I cover his hand that’s on my thigh with my own hand. “I don’t want you to let me go.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “When we got married, even though I was fully committed, I still had my doubts. There are things about my past that you don’t know about. Things I don’t normally talk about.”

I take in a breath and let it out, trying to prepare myself for what’s to come.

He shoves one hand through his hair and then covers our hands with his free one. “I didn’t have complete faith in you, Nat. In us.”

My mouth drops because I wasn’t prepared for that. “In me?”

He nods almost regretfully. “Yeah. You see, in my experience, women leave. They don’t stay around for things.”

I want to pull away from him, and I want to be mad, but I try to contain my feelings. I need to understand. “What do you meanthings?”

“Love, marriage, babies.”

I almost feel defeated. “So you married me but you thought I’d leave you?”

He looks at me through hooded eyes. There’s shame on his face as he nods his head. “Yeah, which is why I wasn’t surprised when you said you wanted a divorce. I knew eventually you would leave.”

I open my mouth and then close it again. Is he serious right now? “Beau, look—”

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