Even if her plans didn’t sit well with any of us.
But as Stevie nestled in closer, my heart felt like it stopped fucking beating because her hand went to my chest, smoothing over the cotton of my t-shirt, then sliding under it and onto my skin. The moment she touched me, she sighed, any residual tension fading away.
“You deserve to lie at her feet,” Ronan whispered. “But that’s not what she needs and besides, I’ve never been one to shy away from worshipping our mate.” He glared at me. “Something you need to spend some time brushing up on.”
And with that, Ronan lay down on the bed, putting the omega’s feet onto his stomach, his fingers just brushing the elegant arch of one as quiet fell over the room.
So there was nothing else to distract me, nothing to grab at my attention. Even attempts to mentally start planning the next hit on the Spencers fell apart, because all my attention was on her.
I ached for Stevie. The persistent pain in my balls any time I was near her was something I was used to, but this… I could see the track marks of her tears on her face, where they’d turned her skin red and puffy, evidence of her pain I needed to erase. But we would never get that chance to eradicate our past.
Instead we’d have to learn to live with it.
I met Jax’s eyes, catching the small nod he gave me, Ronan doing the same. Mum had always warned me against Ronan, fearing he’d tear the family apart, but right now I knew. Without my intervention, our brother was single minded in his pursuit of whatever he wanted, and right now, he wanted us as one pack serving Stevie.
And suddenly I couldn’t want anything more.
I closed my eyes then, sure sleep wouldn’t come, but it was the only way I could do this. If I shut out reality I could reach down and press the smallest kiss to my mate’s forehead, listen to the small hitch of her breath before it evened out again, and pretend that everything was OK, that I hadn’t managed to fuck up everything.
Chapter39
“What are you doing?” I asked Ash over the breakfast table. Well, it was probably the dinner table due to the hour of the day, but as Lois had cooked us up a full English breakfast with all the trimmings, I was sticking with that. Food that Ash was picking up and depositing on my plate with gay abandon. Not only had I woken up sometime later to find him holding me while I slept, but now? Now he was feeding me?
Ash froze and so did everyone else, waiting to see how this played out. The Kelly dads’ eyes danced with barely suppressed mischief, but Lois went pale.
“Well, Stevie—” she started to say, but Ash raised a hand to stop her from swooping in.
“I fucked up.” I sat back in my chair at that. The great Ash Kelly admitting to a mistake? Ronan smirked at me, basically able to read my mind, before turning back to his own food. “I fucked up… everything when it comes to you,” Ash continued.
“See, Lois—” Blue started to say, but she hissed at him for quiet.
“You, Ronan, even Jax. I felt responsible for all of us and I… thought I was doing the right thing.” He swallowed hard at a small mumble coming from the table. “But I was wrong. Seeing you…” My back was shoved hard against my chair, my eyes widening and Ash noted that with a nod. “…like that made that clear. I…” He dumped two eggs on my plate, then frowned, remembering I didn’t like them. His hands shook as he went to remove them and for some reason mine shot out and grabbed one of his. “If I’d known how much I was hurting you, I swear I would’ve—”
“I can’t eat all of this,” I told him. I watched that wall he always preserved between us getting built up again, brick by brick, his eyes bright green now rather than blue. I picked up my plate and put it on top of his empty one, then pushed his hand aside as I did something I never thought I’d dare. I slotted myself into his lap, his big hands just hovering there, not knowing what to do until I sat back, curling my body into his. “You’ll have to help me.”
Rusty snickered, right up until Lois belted him on the arm and then he just looked at her with a kind of hunger I was not down with witnessing.
“Eat your breakfast,” she directed him.
“I know what I’d like to eat,” he told her.
“Not in front of the children.” Her eyes darted to us.
“Pretty sure the lot of them know how little wolves are made,” he growled, picking her up and out of her chair, her yelp making clear she didn’t hate this idea at all. “Let's practise making some more.”
“Try not to kill each other,” Blue said, dumping his napkin on the table.
“Wait until we’re done so we can watch,” Gun added with a grin. “My bets on Stevie kicking all of your arses.”
“So while the parental units are off fucking, again,” Jax said with a long suffering air, “are we going to talk about what comes next?” I went very still then, anticipating a very deep and meaningful discussion about what they witnessed yesterday. “Who’s next on the list to take out.”
Oh yeah, revenge.
I’d momentarily forgotten about that. I shifted slightly on Ash’s lap, then reached for some food, but he seemed to get his head around his current situation, his hands slapping down on my thighs and keeping me right where I was. It became apparent why. I was wearing one of the boys’ shirts and a pair of undies, so the thin cotton made clear just how much Ash was liking where I was sitting. And the dampness that was no doubt staining his jeans? It was just as forthright about my body’s receptiveness to him. Something that only increased as I felt him lean forward, his breath ruffling the baby hairs on my nape.
“Better stay right where you are, omega.”
His voice was deeper, darker and I liked it very much. So much I wriggled my hips traitorously.