Page 39 of My Fake Lover

»Shit, I don’t know how to do this. Relationships. What you and Lizzy have.«

»I didn’t know either. God, I hurt Lizzy so many times with those damn drugs that I’m surprised she still speaks to me. But she showed me what love is. Only she could do that, and I know Ivy is that for you, but only if you let her.«

»Fuck, when did you become so wise, little brother?«

Ian laughed. »I always have been, you just never saw it!«

I tugged at the knot of my tie because it suddenly felt tight around my neck, as if I couldn’t breathe. »I’m going to mess it up,« I muttered.

»Yes, you will. But she’ll get you back on track if you never let her doubt that you love her.«

Love. I didn’t have a damn clue about it. I despised myself. The only one I loved was my brother. But that was in a completely different way.

When I saw Ivy, it felt like the sun was rising, and its rays warmed my skin and my heart. When she left, she took the brightness with her and left me back in the dark hole I had lived in before her. And it would be much deeper and much darker because I had seen the light once.

»I didn’t want to ruin your wedding with this.«

»You didn’t, don’t worry. The gift of you being happy is more precious to me than all the others out there on that huge present table.«

I hesitated and traced the cracked leather on the door panel with my index finger. A voice inside me still said it was a mistake to want Ivy. It was selfish to burden her with my worries just because I felt I couldn’t exist without her anymore.

»Can you please go now and get your girl back?« Ian said, pulling me out of my thoughts. My brother got out of the car and pointed toward the barn door. I followed suit. »Go, they’re probably in our tent.«

Ian and I walked across the square and reached the largest tent, with a small canopy and a white, knotted rug underneath.

Carefully, I pulled the fabric aside and entered. Ivy sat on the bed, and Lizzy stood in front of her. She was beside herself and paced back and forth, but I didn’t know if she was angry at me or Chloe. It didn’t matter. She could take all her anger out on me; it only mattered that Ivy’s sorrow and pain, written all over her beautiful face, disappeared.

They noticed us, and Ian said something to Lizzy, after which the two left the tent. Ivy, I, and my deafeningly loud pounding heart remained.

»I’m not mad at you,« she suddenly said. I took a deep breath and loosened my tie a bit more. There was so much pain in every syllable that my throat tightened. »You don’t owe me any explanation, I knew from the start what I was getting into.«

Slowly, she stood up. Her legs trembled a bit, and I suppressed the urge to rush to her and pull her into a comforting embrace. But her weakness lasted only a moment before she straightened her back and lifted her chin slightly.

I almost grinned. My stubborn, strong girl.

»Was it really that clear?« I asked and took a step toward her. She nodded briefly. »Because I’m not so sure anymore.«

»You sounded pretty sure out there. Everyone in the square heard that it was just a deal for you.« I unmistakably heard the hurt in her voice and grimaced as if Ivy had just given me an uppercut to the chin.

»I did,« I replied, not knowing what else to say.

Apparently, Ivy expected more, for she sighed in disappointment and looked away.

»I think it would be appropriate for me to go home now. You don’t need to take care of me; I’ll get a taxi and take the train.«

Say something! Anything, you idiot! I cleared my throat. »No one expects you to leave.« Just the thought of her leaving me here alone made my heart ache.

»It was really nice here. Your brother and Lizzy are a great couple, but if everyone out there knows that I was paid to be with you...« She broke off when the quiver in her voice became too strong. »I need to go,« she whispered quickly, wanting to storm past me, but I grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back. Cautiously and expectantly, I held her, even though I would have preferred to pull her straight to my chest.

»May I?« I asked softly, gesturing for a hug. Ivy hesitated but then relented and nodded slightly. Holding her felt indescribable, and I realized that I had to finally step out of my comfort zone if I didn’t want to lose the only thing that mattered.

»It was more than a deal to me. From the very beginning,« I whispered, feeling Ivy tense up. »I should have just asked you out on a date, but I didn’t know how. You would never have said yes, and when I found out you were having trouble with your truck... It seemed like the perfect way to get closer to you without exposing myself. I didn’t realize that you could see right through me from the start, like no one ever has before.« I gently pushed her back and lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes. »Usually, I don’t feel like this... I’m numb and clumsy, and I don’t know how relationships work.«

»If only you could see yourself the way I see you,« she whispered, finishing me off. I embraced her and slowly sank down with her to the edge of the bed. We sat side by side, and I was grateful to be able to hold her hands.

»That out there, my statement that it was just a deal, was my last attempt to keep you out of my messed-up life. Because I will inevitably hurt you at some point. You deserve someone else, and you know it just as well as I do.«

»Can you stop trying to decide for others? Ian is an adult, and so am I. I don’t know how this will end, but I know I want to try.«

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