Page 94 of The Payback

“She’s only one and a half or so now, but it’s easy to imagine your child grown and in a situation like this, especially after our encounter with Anya. She clung to Ellie like a surrogate mother, which must have brought up a lot of feelings.”

One and a half.

One and a half.

One and a half plus nine months, give or take a few weeks, equals... oh, fuck.

The world spins around me as I sit stock-still, gripping the armchair for any semblance of stability as the mental maths adds up in a way I had never thought possible. This is why Ellie looked for me after I betrayed her and Interpol, why she wasn’t surprised to see me here. Why she shuts down when I talk about that night and my regrets. I told her I regretted the repercussions of that night. Does she think I meant her—our—daughter?

All of this, yet she didn’t tell me about her. Instead, we fucked, we fought, we shared goddamned sandwiches and not once did she mention our kid. And it’s not as if I can blame her.

We used protection. The idea of Ellie getting pregnant was nothing more than a whisper in the wind as I ripped open the condom packets. Gone in an instant.

She’s been alone in this. We fucked in that hotel room, and I abandoned her with the consequences of that night.

And now, all I’ve done was suck on her tits and drink from her like the sick and twisted bastard I am instead of questioningwhyI could do those things.

“Nik?” Dimitri calls as my eyes struggle to focus on any one thing. Instead, they stare at my twisted hands as they wring the material of my shirt, and my knees bounce in front of me. “NIK!”

The world fades to blackness as everything tilts, and I go down hard.

I come around—for the second time in recent memory—to Ellie and Dimitri having a conversation above me. Fucking hell, I have to stop passing out.

Everything comes rushing back in from before, and I sit bolt upright. Ellie is there in a flash, her hand on my upper back, supporting me as I sway, even while sitting on my ass. I scuttle away from her, turning and pushing myself against the desk.

“Don’t,” I plead.

“Nik, what the hell happened?” she asks. “One minute, I’m making a call, and the next, Dimitri is shouting your name and panicking like you’re dying.”

I look up at the man in question with worry etched on his brow. It’s a look I haven’t seen on him since we were younger. Since returning from Interpol, I’ve been kept at arm’s length. It hurts too much to dwell on it right now, not when more questions need answering, as much as I want to mend these fences with him and begin anew.

“I know,” I whisper, looking from Dimitri to Ellie. My voice broken and cracked with emotion. “Abouther.”

Ellie’s eyes widen as she drops to her knees before me. Her dark orbs search my face, but I know there’s no emotion, just a stone-cold façade. I press my back further against the desk, trying to distance us but failing. She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.

“Dimitri, could you give us a second?”

He looks between me and his wife—Christ, hiswife!who I share a child with—and shakes his head.

“I’m not leaving you two like this. Nik, you passed out and went down hard. You might be injured.”

“Physically, I’m fine. But I need a second with Ellie.”

The mother of my child—Christ, how weird is that to say—looks up at her husband.

“Please. Give us a few minutes. I’ll find you when we’re done speaking.”

I can tell he wants to refuse her, but when she blinks up at him, it’s not with pleading and begging. It’s an order.

He kisses the crown of her head, murmurs something in her ear I can’t hear over the rush of blood in mine, and moves through the penthouse for the stairs.

“How?” Ellie asks, getting down to it before we can dwell on the emotional bomb between us. She’s right. Focus on the facts—the logistics.

“Dimitri. I figured you had a child because of your milk, but I didn’t think—How did—We used protection,” I finally say, settling on the last thought in my mind. It doesn’t matter to me how our child came to be, but it’s the only thing I can form in a complete sentence.

“We did, but sometimes that fails.” Her voice is calm, like she made peace with this long ago. And maybe she has. After all, she’s been the one to grow the child, birth her, and care for her until she showed up here.

“And you never thought to...” I’m unsure how to broach the topic.

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