Page 65 of Following His Commands

She buries her head in my chest. “It’s not. I ruined it. I ruined us,” she says, and I freeze.

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it,I chant over and over in my head.

“I’m pregnant,” she says, looking up at me, her eyes already blinking away the next wave of tears. My body relaxes. Thank fuck she didn’t say what I was dreading.

“You’re… pregnant?” I ask.

She nods her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I don’t know… well, I do know how it happened but I didn’t do this on purpose. I swear I didn’t,” she rambles on.

I bring a finger up to her cheek and wipe her tears away. “You didn’t do this alone, Dani. Pretty sure we were both fucking careless,” I tell her.

“Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“It could be worse.” I shrug.

“What could possibly be worse? I’m pregnant, as in I’m going to be a mother and you’re going to be a father. We didn’t plan this, Alistair. We don’t want this,” she says.

She doesn’t want this?

“You don’t want to have a child with me?” I ask her, doing my best to keep my tone calm. Even.

“I don’t want to have a child period. I’m not ready. And I don’t want to lose you. I know you don’t want forever, a lifelong commitment, and I don’t want to lose you,” she repeats.

“Little girl, you are not going to lose me. I’m not going to leave you alone through this. We made this kid together. We will do this together.” I kiss the top of her head. “Marry me,” I blurt out before I know what I’m saying, freezing when the words I never thought would ever come out of my mouth somehowdo.

“What? No.” She shakes her head.

“What do you meanno? Why the fuck not?” My eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“You don’t mean it. You don’t want to marry me, Alistair. You’re only saying that because you think you have to. I won’t force someone to marry me just because I’m knocked up with their kid. I don’t want that,” she says.

“I don’t say things I don’t mean. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it. I want you to marry me, Dani, and not because you’re knocked up, but because I want you.”

“You have me without getting married. We’re not getting married and I’m not accepting a proposal when we’ve just been hit with a life-altering thing like a baby.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” I sigh. “I guess I’ll just keep asking until you say yes.”

“How about you ask again when you really, really mean itandwant it. Until then, please don’t. I don’t need it and you don’t want it.”

“I love you,” I tell her.

Her eyes widen. “Please don’t say that just because I’m pregnant. It’s not fair,” she whispers, her bottom lip trembling as she continues to fight her tears.

“I’ve said it before, Dani. It’s the truth.”

She shakes her head. “No, you have never said those words to me before.”

“Surely, I have. I’m certain I have…” I tell her, trying to recall an exact date, time, or incident, only to come up empty. “It’s the truth,” I say again. “I love you. I can’t imagine not waking up next to you every day.”

“I love you too, more than I ever thought possible,” she says.

My hand cups the back of her head and I pull her face towards mine. “I love you,” I whisper against her mouth, right before my lips claim hers.

“Mmm, fuck me, Alistair. Make me forget everything but you for a little while,” she pleads.

“Gladly.” I roll her over and settle myself between her legs. Reaching for the hem of her dress, I lift it up while Dani props herself on her elbows so I can pull the material over her head. She’s not wearing a bra, or panties. She’s completely bare before me. My eyes focus on her flat stomach and my arm moves to cover it. “I can’t believe we have a whole person in there,” I tell her. “A mini you.”

“I know. It’s weird,” she says.

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