Page 64 of Following His Commands

“I’ll figure it out. It’s going to be fine. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time after all. How bad can it be?” I ask all three of my friends.

“It’s going to be fine,” Daisy says. “I mean, your vagina won’t be, but everything else will,” she quickly adds.

“Don’t listen to her. There’s plenty of plastic surgeons out there who can fix your vag right after you birth my niece,” Eloise insists.

“Okay, I think I just need a nap. El, enjoy your honeymoon and your husband. Don’t worry about me. I’ll still be here when you get home.”

“I will always worry about you, Dani.”

“Talk soon. Love you.” I blow her a kiss. Guilt weighs heavily on top of everything else. I hate that I’m bringing her my drama when she should be having the time of her life.

“You go have a nap. We’ll stick around,” Claire says.

“No, you two head home. I’ll be fine. Promise,” I tell them.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Dani never came back to the office. When I look at the clock, it’s almost six p.m. I must have lost myself in work. I pack up my things, turn off the lights, pull up her number on my phone, and hit dial.

The call rings out. That’s odd, seeing as she’s always attached to her phone. I can’t recall what errand she said she was running. I don’t think I even asked. I was swamped with a stack of files when she messaged me earlier.

As soon as I’m in the car, I hit dial again. It rings for what seems like an eternity before the call finally connects.

“Alistair?” Her voice is quiet. Off. Something’s wrong.

“Dani, where are you?” I ask her.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve ruined everything. I’m sorry,” she sobs into the phone.

“What are you talking about? Where are you?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m really so sorry,” she repeats over and over again, and I have no idea what she’s apologising for.

“What happened? Dani, tell me what happened. I’ll fix it, whatever it is.”

“You can’t fix this,” she says.

“I can. Just tell me what’s wrong,” I beg her. I point the car in the direction of her apartment while praying that she’s actually there.

“I’m sorry.” Her sobs tear at my fucking heart. I can’t stand hearing her cry.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m on my way.”

“Don’t come over. Not yet. Let me pretend that we’re still okay for a little bit. Just… give me a few days. Please…” She’s not making any sense. I have no idea what she’s talking about. Wearefucking okay.

“Sure, I’ll give you a few days,” I lie, because I have no intention of giving her space. Ever. The call cuts out and my heart pounds in my chest while beads of sweat run down my forehead. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I have no idea what’s happened. I just know I need to fix it.

What the fuck could she have done?

My mind goes straight to the one thing I can’t fucking fix. She fucked up. She cheated. Just like my mother did to my dad. I don’t want to think it. I don’t want to lose her. Ican’tlose her. But that… If that’s what she’s done, I can’t forgive that. Can I?

I shake my head. I can forgive her for just about anything if it means keeping her, but not that.

I park in front of her apartment and run up the stairs. I pull out the key I might have had cut without her knowledge and let myself in. “Dani? Where are you?” I yell for her before I make it two steps inside.

She doesn’t answer but I hear her crying. My heart rips in half when I find her curled up in bed.

“Dani, babe. I’m here. It’s okay. Whatever it is, whatever you did, it’s okay.” I scoop her up and sit on the bed, pulling her onto my lap.

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