Page 52 of All Bets are Off

“Mine,” I say. “Listen, I have to go.” I disconnect before she can argue with me. She’s exhausting, and I’m done helping her. West is totally focused on Logan after the terrible diagnosis Logan’s mother got the other day, underscoring my belief that what West told my sister when he broke up with her was true: he is in love with Logan.

Colt and Seo-jun trudge up the sand toward me, surfboards under their arms. I try not to stare at the water dripping off Seo-jun’s toned body or the way his little black Speedo cradles his junk, but it isn’t easy.

“That was great,” Colt grins. “Dex, you wanna give it a try?”

“No, thanks. I’d probably drown.” I look to Seo-jun, who’s wiping seawater from his face, and can’t help thinking that his sharp cheekbones, dark eyes, and full lips, along with his straight, jet-black hair and tawny skin, all add up to one beautiful man. “You looked good out there,” I say.In more ways than one.

With his typical stoic expression, Seo-jun answers, “I’m not where I want to be at all.”

I smile at what I’ve come to recognize as his ruthless determination to be perfect. “You will be soon enough, I’m sure.”

He blinks at me, eyes dark inky pools surrounded by lush lashes, before turning away to spread his towel on the sand.

Colt flops down on my other side and gazes out at the water. His boyish good looks draw a lot of attention from girls on the beach, but he doesn’t give any of them a second look. Watching him, I can’t help wishing for the kind of confidence he has. If I looked anything like him—or Seo-jun—maybe I’d have it, but, although fit, I’m the kind of guy who’s easily lost in a crowd. I don’t realize I’ve let out a big sigh until Colt turns his head to look at me.

“What’s the matter?”

With a deprecating laugh, I say, “Nothing. I was just thinking how I’m a thorn sitting between two roses.”

Colt frowns. “Huh? What’re you talking about?”

“Look at the two of you.” I gesture between him and Seo-jun on my other side. The latter has put on a pair of sunglasses and is basking in what little sun deigns to peek out from behind the cloud cover. I don’t even think he’s listening to us, and I’m glad. I’d rather he not witness my pathetic insecurities.

“What about us?” Colt asks.

“You’re both gorgeous, and I’m…well, I’m ageek.”

“A hot geek, maybe,” Colt says, looking me over.

I stare at him, disbelieving.

“Come on, Dex. You can’t honestly believe you aren’t attractive. Did you see those girls walking past a minute ago? They were totally eying you up.”

“They were looking atyou!” God, Colt was so clueless. “And Seo-jun, too. I mean, look at him.”

Seo-jun’s face twitches in reaction to my words, and I color with embarrassment. I hadn’t meant to say that so loud. Turning back to Colt, I continue in a softer voice, “I’m just saying. Must be nice to be so attractive, that’s all.” I shrug and lean my head back against the chair, closing my eyes. The sun, having moved from behind its blanket of clouds, suddenly shines brightly behind my eyelids before a gust of wind hides it again.

“I can see we’re gonna have to take you to a club for a serious reality check. I haven’t seen you go out once since you’ve been here. If you’ve always been like this, I get why you don’t realize how seriously cute you are.”

I don’t answer. I wonder what kind of club Colt wants to take me to. A gay club? Does he suspect? Would I be comfortable if I found out he does?

Being away from home and family and around guys who are open and even proud of their sexuality is changing me. I used to be soashamed.So afraid someone would figure it out. I’ve dated plenty of girls but haven’t been attracted to them in the least. Now I realize how unfair that was to them and to me. But, if I had to do it all over again, I know it would be the same. My parents never would have accepted I’m gay, and now that Mom’s remarried someone who is as conservative as they get, she’ll be worse.

“Will you come with us if we go?” Colt asks.

“Maybe.” I can’t help but smile. Uttering the word is freeing, although I’m pretty certain I’ll chicken out when the time comes.

CHAPTER THIRTY

West

The brief time at the doctor’s office when Gloria was almost her old self was a gift to her son that disappeared way too soon. For the past two weeks, every time we visit her, she clings more to me and becomes increasingly abusive to Logan. It’s heartbreaking to witness, although Logan handles it with his usual patience. At home, he’s quiet. I’ve been sleeping with him every night, holding him close in a way that’s foreign to our long relationship but somehow feels very right for how we feel now. I’m beginning to wonder how I’ll ever go back to sleeping alone. We haven’t had sex again, but every morning, rather than sleep until my alarm goes off like normal, I wake up from a dream about Logan, my hard-on pressed to his ass. It’s all I can do not to hump against him until I get off.

We go to see Gloria at least four times a week, and when we do, Logan always wants to visit her alone for a while before I join them. I know each time he’s hoping she’ll be different with him, but that hasn’t happened.

Anna has been taking advantage of this window of opportunity to sit with me until Logan texts me to come in, and because of this, I’m not very surprised when she broaches the subject of a reconciliation.

“I told you when we broke up that I’m in love with someone else,” I remind her as gently as I can.

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