Page 159 of Diamond Angel

It’s your call now.

That’s what Celine said to me, too, right before I’d locked her in the room with Adam. I can feel the weight of this decision trying to bury me whole. The only thing that keeps me surfaced is the knowledge that my son’s survival depends on my choices.

I glance past Ilarion to Benedict. His eyes are fixed on me, his arm still raised, aimed at Ilarion’s back. I don’t ask him to lower the gun.

Slowly, I turn my gaze to Ilarion. Even after what I saw on that flash drive, he’s still the man I love. My feelings for him are still as potent as ever. They’re just fighting against a tide of betrayal and hurt.

If I don’t believe his explanation, then I will shoot. For Celine’s sake, as well as Adam’s.

It’s the only way I’ll be free of Ilarion and men like him.

“Okay,” I say. “Go on. Tell me.”

“Benedict had an explosive planted inside Archie,” Ilarion says. Over his shoulder, I notice Benedict roll his eyes.

“Then why kill him yourself?” I rasp. “Why not just let the bomb do it?”

“Exactly!” Benedict exclaims.

I look past Ilarion at the sad former don. “I thought I told you to shut the fuck up.” He flushes bright red, but holds up his hands to indicate that he’s done interrupting. I turn my attention back to Ilarion, still pointing the gun at his head. “Well?”

“Archie told me that the bomb wasn’t large enough to kill him, but it was big enough to maim him. He didn’t want to live like that.”

I can feel my nostrils flare. “So he could have lived—but you chose to kill him instead?”

“Hechose, Taylor,” Ilarion intones. “He chose to die whole, rather than live a half-life. He didn’t want to be a burden to you or Celine. He didn’t want either one of you seeing him that way.” He pauses and his eyes suddenly grow sad. “He didn’t want Adam to see him like that.”

“He wouldn’t have chosen to die.”

“Is it so hard to believe?” he asks me. “Your mother made the same choice.”

I suck in my breath. “This…this was different. He had a chance to live, to be okay. To watch Adam grow up.”

“He knew the consequences when he joined the underworld, when he first took the mark of the Bratva. He got to choose his own death. Not very many have that privilege.”

“Privilege?” I cry out. “How dare you!”

“Look at me,” he orders. “Look me in the eye, Taylor.” It’s not until he says that that I realize I have been avoiding it. How can I, and then shoot? “You wanted an explanation. Be brave enough to take it.”

I swallow hard. “I saw the two of you in the garden.”

He nods. “I was trying to get him to tell me Benedict’s location. I knew he had inside information on what safehouses he might be hiding out in. At first, he refused to tell me.”

“So, you were threatening him?”

“I walked away from him, didn’t I?” he points out. “I allowed him to stay in my home, breathe my air, eat my food. He had sanctuary under my roof and he knew he was safe from me. He also knew that the moment he gave me Benedict’s location, the Bellasios would come for him. And still, he came to me. He decided to end it by ending Benedict.”

I close my eyes for a moment, ashamed of the tear that falls down my cheek. “You could have turned him down,” I whisper. “You didn’t have to kill him.”

Ilarion’s eyes are dark, the blue in them eaten away by pupils blown wide. “I made a decision. I chose to do what Archie wanted, instead of what you would have wanted.”

I swallow a sob, but my thoughts are drowned out by Benedict’s words.

“Don’t believe a word he says, Taylor! There was no bomb! He was looking for a reason to kill Archie from the beginning. A traitor never goes free in the Bratva. Don’t let him get inside your head!”

I glance at Ilarion, waiting for him to say something, defend himself, try to convince me. But he says nothing to that end. “I told you everything,” he says softly. “It’s your decision now.”

“Kill him, Taylor! I can get us out of here,” Benedict’s voice is grating on my nerves. “Just kill him!”

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