Page 120 of The Lessons

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel it.” I ran the back of my hand across her cheek, and she inhaled sharply. “I like you, Natalie. A lot.”

“You do?” she whispered.

I nodded. “And I think you feel the same.”

She was frozen. “I don’t understand. You said it was clinical…that I was just a client. I mean, I thought I wasn’t enough.” She covered her eyes with her hands. “Oh, God, I thought I’d just developed some stupid surrogate Stockholm syndrome.”

“No, Natalie. It’s real.”

She took a gulp of air. “I’m still so mad at you.”

“I know. I’m sorry I lied, Natalie. So sorry. I’d do anything to take it back.”

“That’s?that’s not the only reason I’m mad.”

I stilled. “It’s not?”

She sniffed and inhaled deeply. “I’m mad because…because you did something to me. You showed me how to trust someone and how good life could be, and then you tore it all away. It was cruel, Ryan, really cruel.”

I pulled her in closer and cupped her hands in mine; it was killing me to see her like this. “I’m so sorry, babe. I’m sorry it took me so long to admit it. I’ve been wrestling with it for weeks. I mean, I knew feeling this way about you was wrong, but what was I supposed to do? Just lie with you, looking at you, watching your fucking beautiful face while you came with my cock in you and not feel anything? Not do anything? I’m not that man, Natalie. I can’t be.”

I had started to raise my voice by now, so I took it down a notch, “A few weeks ago when you showed up at my house banging on the door… Jesus, Natalie, I’d never wanted something, someone, so much in my life. I’m not ever going to make that mistake again. Please don’t cry. You make me so happy; you make me laugh. It kills me to think that all I give you are tears.”

She looked up at me, her voice still small. “I thought we were over.”

“Babe, we haven’t even started yet.”

As my eyes dropped to her lips, I heard her inhale sharply. I stepped into her and slid my hand up her neck, guiding her mouth to mine, running my thumb over her lips. The pain I’d felt at possibly never seeing those lips again finally started to break, and relief flooded over me. As I pulled her mouth into mine, our lips touched, and I felt it everywhere.

“Does anything else feel like this?” I murmured as I softly caressed her lips with mine. A low moan passed her lips as she surrendered herself to me, and I took her deeply into my mouth as my cock throbbed with desire.

After a moment, I pulled back and looked at her. All of her despair and anguish was quickly being replaced with dark need. Any worry I’d had about her reciprocating my feelings was over and gone. I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

“Can I ask you another question?” she asked with her eyes closed. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

I paused, my hands cupping the nape of her neck. “I guess I felt that you deserved better, deserved more. I know you wanted the picket fence and the whole nine yards, but my life’s not normal, Natalie. All I have to offer is me, my issues, my crazy family, and my imperfect, fucked-up love.”

There. I said it. Despite my best efforts, I’d shown her more of me than anyone had seen before. And I was about to find out if it was enough.

If I was enough.

She looked up at me, her face stone, and for a second, I thought maybe she’d run. That I’d talked so much sense into her that she’d finally seen the error of her ways and what a fucking mess she was about to walk into. I braced myself, but then something on her face changed— She was trying to restrain a grin.

“You love me?”

“Yes. I love you, Natalie Reese.”

Her head tilted to the side, like she was thinking something through.

“What is that expression?”

“Sorry. It’s just…I’ve never had someone tell me they loved me before. I mean, except my mom. And that doesn’t count.”

I nodded, not wanting to frighten her. “How does it feel?”

“Strange.” She paused. “It…it feels out of order.”

Okay, not exactly the reaction I’d been going for, but I could handle this. “Out of order?”

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