Page 118 of The Lessons

“Thanks for coming.” I paused. “Sorry things are so crazy right now. Can I give you a ride?”

She ran her hands over her arms and nodded.

“Are you cold? Here.” I took my jacket off and gave it to her.

What I would have given to have known what she was thinking. Truth be told, I had a hard time opening up to people, and Natalie had just witnessed a full-on download of my family issues. I couldn’t blame her if she was having second thoughts about coming with me.

She shrugged on the jacket and looked up at me. “Are you sure you don’t want some company? It’s probably been hours since you’ve eaten. I can order some pineapple and anchovy or make some pasta.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

She stood next to my bike and frowned. “Come on, I know you grad-school types. When was the last time you had a home-cooked meal?”

Natalie

I was filling a pot with water at the sink when Ryan came up behind me and pressed his body against mine. His hands ran over my hips in that way that made my mind go fuzzy and put my body on autopilot.

“Hey,” he said softly.

I stiffened. “Hey,” I replied, not sure what to say. Everything with Ainsley had been emotionally taxing. Plus, a huge part of me was still mad. But more than that, I was confused. But the feeling of his warm body on mine was so good. I’d missed it.

He wrapped his arms around me and turned off the sink as his chin settled into the crook of my neck. His five o’clock shadow was in full force and felt rugged and masculine against my skin.

I nodded, unable to speak as I felt my emotions rise and catch in my throat. I couldn’t stand it anymore. It was a terrible time to ask, but I’d started this night seeking an answer, and I still needed it. I had to know why he’d done what he’d done. To us.

“Ryan.” I pushed his arms off of me and stood with my back against the sink. “We can’t keep pretending that nothing happened.”

He looked up at the ceiling, intensely focused on a water stain from the apartment above. Eventually, he pushed his hands into his pockets and sighed. “You’re right.”

My voice got small. “Why’d you do it? I need to know. Why? Why did you leave me? Leaveus. I mean, I thought we were doing so well… Why’d you give up on me?” It was the question that’d been festering in my mind for weeks.

“I—I?It’s a long story,” he started.

“I know you didn’t knock her up.”

He immediately stiffened. “You do?” he asked, cocking his head at me.

“Renee told me.”

He exhaled. It felt like an eternity as I waited for him to continue. “I’m so sorry, Natalie. You weren’t even supposed to find out.”

I felt the tears well up so quickly that I couldn’t will them away. I started to shake, hot with anger.

“Not supposed to find out? That’s your apology? You have got to be kidding me.” A tear launched itself down my cheek, and I smeared it away as all my hope melted. This was nuts. “So much for your honesty policy.” My voice dripped with sarcasm as I turned to face him again. “And just so you know, these aren’t tears of sadness. I’m angry, Ryan. I’m pissed off.”

“Natalie, wait. Please,no. That wasnotmy apology. I was just trying—”

“What?” I hissed.

“I was trying to explain. And then I was going to apologize. Please, just trust me. It will make more sense that way.”

I crossed my arms and cocked my head at him, daring him with my eyes.

“Fine.”

He took a deep breath but didn’t back away. We were still standing mere inches apart at the sink.

“Look, Natalie. Lisa, she…she coerced me into everything with her.”

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