Page 102 of The Lessons

Ryan

Suddenly I realized I couldn’t say anything. Nothing.

Because if I told Natalie what was really going on, she’d tell Renee. I mean, she’d have to, Renee was her friend. I couldn’t ask her to lie.

Could I?

That would be fucked up, asking her to lie to save me.

I saw the domino effect play out in my head…Lisa would find out, and then nothing would prevent her from telling the department. I could just see the look on her father’s face, the disappointment, the anger. That’s when it really hit me:

Everything I’d worked for…I could lose it all.

I took a deep breath and considered the one other option. If I told the truth…yes, I’d lose everything, but maybe keep Natalie. Maybe. There was also a chance she’d think I was a total hypocrite, after I’d made such a big deal about honesty.

My head hurt. Neither choice was a good one.

I stared at her for a full minute, debating which way to go. When I finally made my decision, the words that came out of my mouth made my stomach feel like it’d been cut right out of me.

“Natalie. I think it’s best if we conclude our work together.”

Liar!My subconscious hissed.

“You’ve made tremendous progress.”

It was like reciting lines from a poorly written play.

“But I can always find you another therapist if you want to continue your work.”

And if you choose that option, I will personally castrate every male sex therapist in the continental United States.

I stopped, giving her time to decide.

“I don’twantanother therapist,” she whispered tersely, and I felt a thousand daggers tear into my heart. Then she looked up at me, her eyes full of hate. “You know what? I’ll be fine. And just so you know, I lied, too. I don’t have any weird sexual issues. I was just looking to lose my virginity without having to sleep with a douchebag, but it looks like that’s easier said than done.”

I looked at her, trying to process what she was saying. “Wait. What?”

“I mean, I hired you as a means to an end. And now that we’re at the end, I can go and get on with my life.”

My brain felt like it was going in slow motion. “You lied? I don’t understand. So you weren’ta??” I lowered my voice even further. “So you weren’t a virgin?”

Her eyes bugged out, and she went over to the door and made sure it was closed. “No, I was. I just…I didn’t have any…any issues.”

I crossed my arms and studied her. This would be super interesting if it was a case study I was working on, but it was even more interesting because this was Natalie, and I cared about her. “Hang on, hang on. You went through the effort of hiring a surrogate partner to lose your virginity, and now you want me to believe you didn’t have any issues? Do you hear what you’re saying?”

Her nostrils flared as her eyes darkened in anger. “No. Don’t you dare start that psychology shit with me now. I am not talking about this. Our relationship, and I meanprofessionalrelationship, is over. We’re done.” She took both hands and ran them under her eyes, smearing her mascara. “Thank you for yourservices, Mr. Andrews.”

Myservices? I stared at her, my mouth agape. Was she serious? The way she said it made me feel like a hooker, and it actually…hurt. I stared at her, unmoving, as I tried to figure out what was going on in her head.

This was so frustrating. This wasn’t how everything was supposed to play out. This wasn’t howwewere supposed to play out. But it was done. I’d worked myself into a corner with no way out.

She put her hands on her hips. “Mr. Andrews, if you don’t mind, I have a lot of work to do. Would you like me to walk you out, or should I call building security?”

I uncrossed my arms and rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s okay. I can find the way.”

She opened the door for me. “Good day, Mr. Andrews.”

I took one last look at her. “Good day, Ms. Reese.”

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