Page 103 of The Lessons

Natalie

Once I knew he was gone, I locked my door, crawled back into my chair, and sobbed.

Chapter Thirty-two

Natalie

De-virginized life sucked.

Okay, so I’d had a good run. A full two weeks or so? But now I was over it.

The constant ache between my thighs.

The unwavering feeling of emptiness.

The unending need for ice cream and chocolate.

Okay, maybe that last one was related to something else. Oh, hell, let’s be honest. The whole list was related to something else.

And thatsomething elsewas Ryan Andrews. Want to know the strange thing, though? I wasn’t just obsessing about him lying to me and the whole Lisa thing. The thing that really stuck in my brain was that shit he’d said to me about how I’d probably needed a sex surrogate no matter what. Even without the lame stories I’d concocted about my past relationships.

How the hell was he able to bore into my head like that? In, like, five seconds, he’d been able to shoot right to the core of who I was. It felt strange and almost intrusive. How did he know me so well?

I also felt a little guilty about what I’d said. It had been a cheap shot, thanking him for his services. Even I knew that. I’d felt terrible once the words had left my mouth and hung in the air. If I could have grabbed them back, I would have, one hundred percent. But at the time, I just needed space to think, and well…I’m a master at pushing people away.

A fucking master.

Thursday - Three days P.R.A. (Post Ryan Andrews)

So you know that big presentation I had at work? It was today. Aced it. Boss said it was one of the best she’d ever seen. Even got a high-five.

Whoopdee-fucking-do.

I knew I should have been excited, but it felt like I was simply going through the motions, like almost nothing seemed to matter anymore. Like everything had a coating of gray layered over it.

When I got home, I was still in a daze until a pizza delivery man standing outside my apartment building interrupted me.

“Hey, miss, do you mind letting me into the building? I need to deliver this, and they aren’t answering their buzzer.”

“Sure, who’s the name?” I asked, just to make sure he was legit and not some psycho-killer.

He glanced down at the receipt. “Natalie Reese. Do you know what unit she’s in?”

I swallowed.Of fucking course.“That’s me.”

The driver thrust the large box into my hands. “Have a good night.”

Inside my apartment, I set the box on the kitchen counter. I didn’t need to open it. I already knew what was inside.

Instead, I peeled off my clothes, ran a bubble bath, and tried to ignore the divine scent of pineapple and anchovy pizza.

Friday - Four days P.R.A.

“Nat, some of us are headed to the Metreon to catch a movie. Wanna come?”

I looked up. It was Justine. I smiled weakly. Sweet Justine. She knew I was down and had been trying to cheer me up all week even though I wouldn’t tell her what had happened.

“Thanks, I’ll pass this time. Maybe next time.”

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