Page 32 of Until the Ribbon Breaks

“Are you even hearing me?”

I return my attention to her. “Okay, then. Tell me what you want to solve.”

“This,” she stresses. “The constant drinking. I feel like all you ever want to do is drink, have sex, and hang out withyour boys.”

“I’m not hanging out with my boys right now, am I?”

“I want more. I want you to stop pushing me away every time I ask you to open up to me. I want to see where you live and meet your mom. I want to go out on dates, and—”

“And what?” I question, growing annoyed. “You just want me to be the opposite of who I am? Has it ever occurred to you that I like my privacy?”

“Why do you need that from me? I’m your girlfriend!”

Her voice pitches higher, gaining the attention of my buddies, and even though a part of me doesn’t want to push her away, an even bigger part of me doesn’t want to look like a chump in front of everyone.

“Maybe the problem isyou,” I throw back. “The fact that you’re too needy.”

Her jaw tightens, but I’m over the ridicule. She used to turn a blind eye to my shit, but that hasn’t been the case lately. Since summer began, she’s been riding my ass more and more.

“Why are you so uptight? You used to be chill.”

“Because nothing is changing,” she exclaims.

“You mean me?”

She gives a bitchy curt nod that stabs through the insecurities I keep buried down. “If I’m such a piece of shit, then walk,” I spit harshly. “No one is forcing you to be with me, so if you want to go, be gone.”

“You’re such a jerk!” she shouts, throwing her hands against my chest before walking away at the same time Brent starts in my direction.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

“Not now,” I exhaust under my breath as I head back to the fire, clipping his shoulder with mine.

I flip the lid to one of the coolers and grab another beer as one of the guys says, “Girls. They’re nothing but drama.”

“No joke.” I pop the tab and chug the whole can before crushing it in my hand and tossing it into the sand. Turning to Brent, I say, “I’m out, man.”

“Are you sure you should be driving?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m sure.” I snicker, shaking my head as I start to make my way up the beach toward my car.

Slipping into the driver’s seat, I fumble as I try to land my finger on the push button, missing a few times before I’m able to hit it and start the car. In the rearview mirror, I see Emily hugging Kassi, and I hesitate, but a second later, I shift the car into drive and speed away, squealing my tires as I do.

Streetlights paint the night sky, and somehow, my bleary eyes and numb arms get me from one stoplight to the next. Piece by piece, my worthless heart breaks into shards that stab me from the inside out, ripping a giant hole inside this wound I can’t rid myself of no matter how much alcohol I consume. A tear slips out, and I brashly wipe it away. I’m sick and tired of living with these emotions no one should ever feel.

But I do.

I feel them all.

When the light turns green, I slam down on the pedal and speed away to nowhere because I have no one. Burning tears stab my strength in the back, which only pisses me off more. Lights blur into watercolors, bleeding out of focus as I fly. It’s a desperation to escape, but knowing I have nowhere to escape to has my heart pounding in anguish.

Red lights streak in front of me, a car honks, and tires squeal, but when I turn my head, I’m blinded by my own misery. I veer down another road as I contemplate going back to the party to find Kassi, to finally be honest, to reveal the ugly truth that is my pitiful life. I shut the idea down just as fast as it comes.

“Fuck!”

The steering wheel nearly snaps under the intensity of my grip, and I scream out in frustration. It’s only when a spiraling of red and blue from my rearview mirror catches my attention that I ease off the gas.

The cop flashes his brights, and I wonder how long he’s been trailing me.

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