Page 73 of Broken By the Bad Boy

Not at all. If we keep pushing back tough discussions, we will never hash them out. “Benny.”

“I’m serious,” he says.

“So am I, babe. I want us to talk about it now.” Our eyes clash and hold. When Ben sees I am not giving up, he sighs. “Benny, you know Josef and your mom won’t mind supporting you, right?”

From our little interaction on Saturday, I’m certain both adults care about him. I don’t know why Ben refuses to acknowledge their affection. Josef is wealthy enough to sponsor Asher, him, and me through college without batting an eyelid. How can he throw away his future over a beef? A beef that makes sense to only him. Like it or not, his mother is doing fine with her new husband.

“Why won’t you even give them a chance?” I cup his face and whisper, “Please.”

I am not only begging him to forgive Josef but to consider our future. We can continue in New York.

“Gracie,” he warns. But I am too far gone to care.

Ben doesn’t dare to dream because he has forced himself into a box of his creation. He won’t accept my help. He won’t accept Josef’s or his mom’s help. It is like pouring water into a basket.

“You are missing out on a lot by clinging to the past,” I say. Ben pries my hands off his face. I may have struck a nerve, but it needs to be said. “You are not letting yourself live, Benny. I love you and want you to do all the little things teenagers do without worrying. Josef doesn’t need you to pay him back a cent. They care about you. They love you like I do. Benny, please.”

“They don’t care,” he whispers.

Ben’s voice breaks on the last word, and he hides his face in his palms. I stare at the top of his head. He doesn’t sound so convinced. And I know it’s a lie he has told himself so often that he believes it. Josef and Maddie are in love. He might lie to himself about other things, but not that. Maybe he didn’t want them to get married, but they are a happy couple. He needs to get over it.

His eyes close, and tears leak down his cheeks. I dab them with the hem of my shirt and place a kiss on his forehead the same way he does to comfort me. I may be doing this wrong, but I don’t know how to deal with it when he won’t disclose the real problem. He can’t go about his life paying Josef for every little thing.

“We can go to NYU. I think you will like it there. We don’t have to end in Broadway Heights.” Ben’s eyes twitch in anger and frustration. I try to cup his face, but he ducks his head. “Babe.”

His mask of indifference crashes. “You can apply to SAS, and we can be together. Think about Asher, Gracie. Think about me too. We don’t need to move cities to be together, babe.” His eyes burn bright. My hands clench at my sides, and I try to force my breathing under control. I think about him all the fucking time. I’ve always put him first. “We get to see Asher every weekend.”

“I love Asher, but I want to do more with my life than come back to see him every weekend.”

Ben offers me a stiff smile. It’s a little late to take back my words, so I mentally ready myself for his comeback. He’s fighting so much for a boy who will gladly move into Josef’s house the first chance he gets. It’s not bad, but it’s an indication that this Josef hate train starts and ends with my boyfriend. He’s the only one hating on Josef. And in that case, I don’t want to be on his team.

“So, he’s not important?” he finally says.

The coldness in his voice leaves me expecting him to shove me off his lap. But he folds his arms across his chest. A tired sigh climbs up my throat. I don’t want us to fight over this.

“I never said that,” I murmur. “I love Asher.”

Ben grunts. The lines on his forehead deepen, and my hands itch so much to smoothen them.

“I think you should leave.”

“I should leave? I am on school property, Benny. You can’t ask me to leave.” He lifts a brow and gives me a onceover. My chin juts in the air, and I make myself even more comfortable on his legs. He’s not getting rid of me. “I’m not going anywhere until we are done talking about this.”

A long pause ensues before his arms wrap around me again. I almost smile at him.

“SAS is a good school, Gracie,” he mutters. His voice is soft and convincing. “Babe. They have potential.”

“I don’t want SAS,” I say through gritted teeth.

“I don’t want NYU,” he replies with as much annoyance laced in his voice. I don’t like him anymore.

My fist meets his shoulder in a playful punch. “You don’t even know NYU, Benny.” NYU is almost as exciting as the city. New York is most people’s favorite city, crawling with the good, bad and ugly. People mind their business. No one cares what you do as long as you don’t get in their way. It’s a great place to start a new life. We can be young, wild, and free there. I poke his chest hard enough to leave a dent. “Think about me as well. Let’s apply together. I want NYU.”

“Then go to NYU.”

A thick silence falls over us. Seconds after, Ben’s words are still ringing in my head. I forget every other thing and hop off his lap to sit on the chair closest to him. My hands tremble a bit, and I hide my face in them.

Today was going so well.

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