Page 43 of Butterfly

His gaze filled with hope in me makes me feel shittier than Tyler’s words because they make me doubt myself. All this time, I only wanted to see Sienna again and be with her. I didn’t think about the consequences.

Silence falls again, turning everything still. As much as Tyler’s attitude scratches me raw, he and his friends have a point. I don’t want to hurt Sienna. I don’t know how truly fragile she is. Maybe they’re exaggerating, but I will be careful enough not to hurt her.

When she was operating on Dart, I saw only a woman with a determination of steel and the strength of a warrior. But there are things about her I don’t understand. Not even Tyler does. That’s scary.

I nod at her concerned friends. “I appreciate your concerns, and I promise you I don’t want to hurt Sienna in any way. I care about her too.”

Tyler scrubs his chin with a meaty hand. Meeting this guy on a battlefield would be like staring at death’s face itself. He doesn’t seem convinced by my words. “Don’t drag her into your messy gossip life. That would destroy her.”

“I’ll do my best to protect her.” I clench and unclench my hands as worry crawls up my chest.

“And don’t take her to a coke party,” Liam adds.

“Liam!” Jack scolds.

“What?” Liam shrugs. “Actors are notoriously drug addicts, and people who suffer from depression, like Sienna, should avoid cocaine.”

I lean back on the chair and release a breath. I’m not sure if I’m tired of the stereotypes or just worried about Sienna. Maybe both. “I don’t do drugs, so no worries there.” Again, I have the feeling they don’t believe me, aside from Jack who’s staring at me as if I put the moon in the sky. Only the noise of the traffic fills the silence.

Tyler breaks the moment by clearing his throat. “Just take care of her.” The hard lines of his muscles relax as his shoulders stoop. “I think you got the point.”

I work my jaw. “Yes, I did.”

Fourteen

Sienna

WATCHING PHOEBE CRADLING little Zoe in her arms and smiling like she’s the happiest person in the whole world warms my chest. But it tightens it as well. Perhaps my mother, my biological mother, looked at me like that, even for a brief moment, before deciding to leave me for whatever reason. I don’t want to judge her. Who knows what she was going through when she had me? Maybe she was poor, or a teenager, or maybe she was raped. The last option sends a chill deep into my heart. Maybe she loved me, anyway. Maybe she believed my future would’ve been better without her. She couldn’t know. And I don’t want to think about that. Better to stash these thoughts in the mind box I’m never going to open.

“You look so happy,” I say as Phoebe tucks a fluffy blanket around Zoe.

Lucy is curling up on her bedding next to the crib, her head tilted towards Zoe. Even Dart is sniffing around, keeping his distance from the crib, as if unsure about what creature Zoe might be.

Phoebe turns off the light, leaving only the soft glow coming from a star-shaped lamp on the nightstand. “I’m not going to lie. Being a solicitor in a busy firm and having a child are two things that don’t go together easily. I’m exhausted at the end of the day, but when I see her smiling, I know it’s worth it.”

“I wish I had—” I stop my rambling right there. I don’t whine. Life is what it is, and crying about what I don’t have and never will is only going to drag me into a dark place. A dark place I’ve already visited.

“What?” Phoebe props her arms over the glossy rail of the crib. “A child?”

I chuckle, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Besides, I need a man first.”

“You’ve got a fine one downstairs.” Her eyebrows wiggle. “Girl, he’s handsome and decent.”

“Oh, well, yes, he is.” He looks like power, lust, and orgasms rolled up together.

“Is it something serious? I mean, I’ve never met any of your boyfriends.”

Because I haven’t dated anyone seriously. “He’s busy. We weren’t sure when we’d see each other again, so he asked me if he could come with me.” I hate the defensive tone in my voice. I wanted to be with him too. We both agreed to see each other again.

“What do you think of the situation?” Her voice drops, and I don’t think it’s because Zoe is sleeping.

The awkwardness between us is as thick as a rope, and I admit it’s mostly my fault. I can easily bond with Tyler and Jack over surgical procedures or the latest type of antibiotic on the market. But outside of medical stuff, I’m not a great talker, and with Phoebe, it’s hard for me to find something to chat about. Her life is so different from mine, and with her endless list of friends, I’m not sure she needs me.

Still, I want to answer her question. “It’s confusing. I like him, but we live in two different worlds.”

“You don’t think you can find a way to make it work? I know it’s not the same, but I had the same feeling when I met Tyler.” The smile pulling at her lips radiates love. Even her hazel eyes light up. “The first time he asked me out, he nearly shouted at me. ‘Hey, you, woman, wanna go out with me?’” She imitates Tyler’s gruff voice.

I laugh. “That sounds like him. What did you reply?”

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