Page 29 of When Sinners Dare

Dante’s looking at me when I cast my eyes around the table. He nods, and I hope it’s in approval or at least understanding. Still, nobody says anything. Despite standing up and saying my piece, I purposefully keep my eyes from Knox, wondering if he’ll have suspicion on his face towards me or if that was just saved for Abel.

Dante claps his hands together, jolting all of us from our thoughts. “Good, no more talking. It’s fucking late, so let’s eat.” He gets up and leaves, no doubt heading to grab a waiter to deal with our order.

I look over to Abel and try to read him. He didn’t give me a heads-up with what he was thinking about the house. Well, let’s see if today’s going to ease the control over my behaviour. Probably not, given his words in the car, but I'm still stating my case in this hierarchy whether he likes it or not. I think back to the bar and to Kai and how they might know each other. Today isn’t the day to push, but I’m not going to drop that question either, like I'm not going to let them dictate any longer. Maybe I’ll have better luck with getting the answer out of Kai.

Dante comes back into the room with James, one of the waiters. We all shout our orders to him, most of us dining here regularly enough to know what’s on the menu. Abel doesn’t order anything, though, and that chills my blood. He stares at me through the crowd, making me question everything about what I just said and how I handled this. Wrong time maybe, but when is it ever right?

Dante comes towards me. “Ballsy move, Bella.”

I sigh and look up at him. “Well, we don’t have secrets.”

“Agreed. But still. You didn’t have to, but it’s good you did.”

“Thank you.”

“The other stuff, don’t get your hopes up.” He tilts his head at Abel. “He’ll be impressed you stood up and told the truth, but he’s pissed as fuck right now.”

“At me?”

“At the moment, yes. She might have been our mother, but she was his first and foremost. He’s hurting.”

“Hurting?” I consider Abel and the feelings I’ve pushed down and stomped on since running out of the house. There’s a lot of emotion mixed up, but I’m not sure I’d describe it as hurting. I hadn’t thought Abel was capable when it came to anything Mother did. Angry and furious, maybe, but hurting? “You're not, though?”

“She was a bitch, Bella. We’re all better off without her. Still, give him time. He’ll need it.”

I look at the floor and sense him leave for his seat, now trying to keep my eyes off Abel entirely. When the food is delivered, we toast Mother in some show of sympathy. On one hand, it's the most ridiculous thing we’ve done. On the other, it's as respectful as it can be in the circumstance. I don't eat a thing, though. And I barely let the champagne down my throat for fear of throwing up. All I can sense is her witch’s curses from above as if she’s still haunting me for what I’ve done. And if not that, then Abel’s mental state is enough to strike the fear of God into me.

Eventually, after muted conversation and a hard-fought meal, we all get up to leave.

“I’ll be in touch about the funeral,” Abel declares as he walks from the room. I watch him go, unsure where we’re at if he’s really that pissed at me.

“Come on, Bella,” Dante says, ushering me out. “You gonna be okay at the house? You can come stay at mine if-”

“I'll be fine.”

Knox is waiting at the door. “Okay?” he asks, looking at me directly.

“I’m … fine.” The pause wasn’t intentional, but putting everything into perspective, I think I’m allowed it. Or maybe I'm not. I don't know anymore. Everything’s a mess, and this day needs to be over. I’ve been waiting for Knox to talk to me, to challenge me or say something, but he doesn’t. “Are we good?”

“We’ll talk later,” he says. “Go get some sleep.”

As he says the word sleep, I truly realise I’m going back to the house, and I’ll be alone, something I’ve never experienced with the presence of Mother or my brothers. It’s daunting, and I realise that the realisation of today, and all the events are racing to catch up with me, to trip me up and cause me to fall to my demise.

I’m exhausted, and my head begins to pound.

She’s really gone.

It feels like an abstract concept, but as I pull up and enter the house, it hits.

She was the root of so much pain, so much fear, and so much hate.

I think to Antony and the distress in the voice of his dad. Would he gain some comfort from knowing the woman responsible is dead? I cling to that thought as I push open the door and enter the house.

Alone.

~

Alone?

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