Page 73 of Beneath the Surface

So I decide not to feel it.

Like a light switch, I click it off, allowing a blanket of calm to take over. My eyes unfocus from where they were locked in Alex’s gaze, and I paste a smile on my face. “It’s fine, Alex.”

His nostrils flare. “No.”

No?

“Don’t you do that with me, little bird. You staywith mewhen you’re with me.”

But it’s too late. I’m already gone.

34

Mason

Her eyes glaze over, growing unfocused, and my rapidly pounding heart ceases to beat.

Fucking Olivia.

This is why I don’t come to the West Coast. And this is why I’ve always,alwayslistened to my gut. Until now. Until Lily. She rolled in like morning fog, thick and muggy, skewing my vision and making things unclear.

I ignore the fury that’s cycling through my veins at seeing Olivia’s face and focus all of my attention on my girl. On getting us back to her place so I can talk her down. Explain. I was going to tell her. Just not tonight. We had enough heavy tonight to last a lifetime, and Olivia is a part of my past that is so raw it hurts to even think about.

But I won’t let Lily hide from me.

Part of me is terrified by her reaction. If she can’t handle this information, how the hell do I expect her to stick around after she knows it all?

I breathe deep and talk myself down, ignoring the heat of Olivia’s stare on my back, and her voice that’s still calling out, raking down my insides like heated metal, reopening scabs that are far from healed.

But I don’t look back. Olivia ceased mattering to me the moment she decided to play by my father’s rules instead of doing what was best for us.

But Lily...

We can come back from this.

It’s everything else she doesn’t know that I’m still unsure about.

My insides tighten, and once again, I’m reminded of what a clusterfuck I’ve created.I can’t lose her.

I straddle my bike, my eyes meeting Olivia’s glassy gaze one last time, bile burning the back of my throat. I don’t buy her tears, and even if I did, I don’t care to clear them. Reaching my hand back, I palm Lily’s thigh, blowing out a breath of relief when she doesn’t jerk away.

And then I peel out of the parking lot, choosing to deal with the fact my past has come back to bite me in the assafterI explain things to Lily.

We beat the rain, but just by seconds, heavy drops splattering on my head and sticking to my eyelashes right as we pull into her apartment. I ride all the way to the back of the lot, parking under one of the spots that’s covered by a worn awning. I hop off the bike first, turning toward Lily with my hands on my hips, watching to see what she does.

She takes her time, slowly and methodically standing up, taking off her helmet and placing it on the seat. It’s silent other than the sound of rain smacking against the metal cover, and blood whooshes in my ears as I think about where to start. How to bring her back in order to actuallyhearwhat I have to say.

She disassociates better than anyone I’ve ever seen, and since I don’t want to fuck her while I know she’s upset, I’ll have to find a workaround.

“Lily.”

She locks her gaze on mine, but her eyes are like a mirror. I see nothing in them but my own reflection.

“Lily,” I repeat. “Don’t do that.”

She cocks her head. “Do what?”

I lift my hand and wave it at her. “Whatever the fuck this is.” The nerves inside of me rise through my vocal cords, making my voice tense.

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