Page 112 of Beneath the Surface

I’ve never wanted to make my brother choose between who he loves and me, and looking back now, I realize that’s exactly what I did. My chest cramps and I decide that whatever I need to do, whatever I need to work on, I’ll do it. So I can come to a place of understanding. Of acceptance. Because I’mtiredof being angry.

Becca sits back down next to Eli, and Lee stares up at Chase with a smile, her diamond glinting under the sun. My heart squeezes.

“I don’t want anything fancy,” she says. “Just all of y’all there. I only wish—” Her voice cuts off, infusing the air with melancholy.

Lee’s eyes meet Eli’s across the table, and I follow her gaze, watching as he swallows, gripping Becca’s hand tight.

“I just wish Mama was still here to see it.”

Her words steal the breath from my lungs; my gasp audible enough to where all eyes turn on me. I cover my mouth with my hands, feeling stupid as fuck that I drew their attention, but I can’t help it. Hearing about Lee’s mom not being here anymore; someone who was a second mother to me...

I wasn’t here.

Because of my choices.

Lee’s eyes soften. “Oh, I guess that’s right, you wouldn’t know.”

My fingers scratch at my wrist, trying to ease the pain from the new strike against my heart. “I’m so sorry,” I say.

She smiles and shrugs. “It happened a long time ago. And over the years, I’ve learned that she’s never really gone.” Her eyes land on Eli’s again, her palm pressing down on her chest. “She’s right here, livin’ on through all of us.”

“Now that I believe,” Blakely pipes in. “I never had the pleasure of knowing her, but I still feel her in everything you do. From all the stories I’ve heard, it sounds like she was an amazing woman.”

“She was,” I say, everyone’s gaze turning toward me. “I mean.” I clear my throat. “She was amazing. She was... she was everything.” The tacky tendrils of sorrow for yet another person lost, for another thing I missed, wraps around my heart, its iron grip bruising. “I wish I had been here to say goodbye.”

Lee’s lips turn down in the corners, and she stands, walking over to where I am, plopping down in the seat next to me. She covers my hand with hers, the heat of her palm sending warmth up my arm. “She loved you, Lily, and she would be proud of the woman you are now.”

I scoff, tears bubbling up through my throat. “You don’t even know what kind of woman I am.”

“I know enough,” she says. “I know you’re a good mama. And I may not know what you’ve gone through, but I know you came out on the other side.Stronger.Mama would be proud of you.” She pauses, worrying her bottom lip. “We can go visit her grave, if you want to.”

My insides toss, not sure if I can. Not sure if I deserve to say goodbye after I left without it in the first place. I shrug, pulling out of her grasp. “Yeah, maybe. I think I’m gonna head inside.”

Jax stands up and stretches. “That’s a good idea, let’s all go inside, watch a movie or something.”

My head pounds from the events of the day, but I don’t want to wake up baby Chase so I stay in the living room with everyone else. Lee clicks on the TV and raises the remote to change the channel, but Jax interrupts her.

“Hey, wait a second, Lee.”

He leans forward, his eyes narrowing on the news station that’s playing. “I swear I’ve heard about this before.”

We all turn our attention to the screen, watching the newscasters talk about the presidential campaign.

“Hey, Chase, what was that PI’s name again?” Jax rubs his jaw.

My heart stalls in my chest, them talking aboutMasonso openly ripping open my middle, my bleeding heart exposed. My muscles pull tight, the craving for something to numb the pain so overpowering it causes a physical ache to spread through my body.

“Mason, why?” Chase responds.

Jax’s eyes flicker to me as he shakes his head. “I don’t know. I thought he looked familiar when we saw him in Arizona, and now.” He pauses, pointing at the TV, where they’re talking about the Republican frontrunner. A man named Senator Thomas Wells, from Oregon.

“Senator Wells is set for a press conference this afternoon at three p.m. This comes after weeks of speculation over his disappearance. Experts say they think we may have another instance of withdrawal from the candidacy. Ten years ago, Senator Wells dropped out after the devastating disappearance of his then nineteen-year-old son, Alexander Wells.”

A picture pops up on the screen, and Jax smacks his knee, his finger pointing again at the screen. “Iknewhe looked familiar.”

My heart crashes into my sternum, ricocheting off the walls and landing at my feet, nothing more than chewed up dust.

Because even though the young man in the picture is polished and proper, I would know him anywhere.

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