Page 129 of Beneath the Hood

Evenings are filled with group sessions, all of us in treatment coming together to share our experiences. It’s easy to see the ones who are desperate for help, and the ones who can’t admit they have a problem. And as I take them in, guilt slugs me in the chest, because I know that’s how I was with Jackson.

I’ve burned a lot of bridges.

Kept up ones that veered me in the wrong directions.

By the time my thirty days are up and I walk out of the front doors, I’m ready to grab the bricks and lay a new foundation, one by one.

I’m not out of the woods, I’m not even sure there is such a thing. If there is, then I have a long way to go, and will most likely be in therapy for the rest of my life. But I find peace in that.

For the first time, I don’t feel the need to beseen.

Because I see myself.

I expect my father to be waiting outside to pick me up, but he isn’t there. In his place is Lennox.

My stomach jumps, my breath sucking in through my parted mouth.

Time to start rebuilding bridges.

56

Blakely

It’s silent on the car ride home, Lennox glancing at me every few minutes and then staring back at the road.

My hands are clammy and I rub them on my pant leg, wanting to break the tension but not knowing where to start.

As far as people who have wronged me, Lennox was unfairly placed in that category. It’s easy to see now, after some separation, that he’s been one of the most loyal people to have ever existed in my life.

“Do you love her?” I blurt out.

His jaw tenses as he looks at me, his knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. He blows out a breath and nods.

I bite on my lip, processing that information. “That’s good,” I finally say.

“It is?” His voice is surprised.

I nod. “Yeah. Makes it easier to forgive you.”

He huffs. “You have nothing to forgive mefor, Blakely. I’m not required to tell you about my personal life.”

I press against the back of my seat. “I guess that’s true.”

He hums, rolling down his window, the breeze whipping gently across my face. “But I am sorry for keeping it from you. The way everything went down was...” He cringes. “Not ideal.”

Laughter bubbles out of me and I snort, leaning my head against the headrest. “You can say that again.” Our talk dies down and a sadness fills my chest, wondering if I’ll ever be able to forgive Kayla for the things she’s done. I like to believe that at one time shewasactually my friend. Maybe she still is, and she was just misguided in her actions. Or maybe she’s lost in the clutches of fame, losing the girl she once was in the process. If that’s the case, I hope she finds her way out. I know all too well what that feels like.

I’ve been staring at my reflection for days, thanking God that the girl inside ofmedidn’t disappear for good.

She’s still there. Battered and bruised and rising from the darkness.Stronger.

“Do you think she regrets it?” I ask.

He blows out a breath. “You’ll have to ask her that.”

My stomach churns at the thought. “I’m not ready to talk to Kayla. I don’t know if I ever will be, she’s... a painful part of my past, and honestly, I’m worried that if I spend time with her now I’ll get sucked into bad habits. Negative thinking.” I tap my head. “I’ve been working really hard to change that around.” Just the thought of seeing her again causes emotions to whirl around inside of me. “Yeah.” I shake my head. “Definitely not ready to see her.”

“Neither am I.” Sadness tinges his voice.

---